Dear Callumz,
I think this was a mistake. Trying to write notes again...it hasn't made anything better. It's just made everything worse.
Look where we are now: You won't talk to me; and I'm feeling like the worst person in the world and I don't know how to fix it. I just don't understand how everything went so wrong.
So I'll guess this is my last note for a while. There's no point in doing it if you just don't care.
I don't know what I'm supposed to say to you now; if I'm supposed to say anything h at all. I can't be the girlfriend you want me to be. It doesn't matter how many nights I spend crying myself to sleep over not being able to give you what you want- it doesn't change the fact that you don't want me, because good intentions don't balance out the crap when everything goes wrong.
Love always (if I'm still allowed to say that),
Kaiteh
Dear Kaiteh,
ReplyDelete"So I'll guess this is my last note for a while" Noh! Well I don't think it will be. Because that isn't fun and stuff and yeah. And you love me with your brain and your heart. So more notes will come very soon I hope :3
And I'll write a comment on every single one :D Because you are my special female companion and you are very important to me.
Love always,
Callumz.
Dear Kaiteh,
ReplyDeleteIt's been awhile...:/ I'll just comment anyway.
So we're back at school.
Arguments with teachers, boring work, and an education system that's more focused on 'credits' than actual education. I almost missed it.
It's refreshing being back in a group of people who believe anything a large book will throw at them, and knowing that I'm one of the very few minds in that building that require hard evidence to even begin to trust something. It shows how little they value their own trust. I guess that's faith. Large amounts of trust put into unreliable evidence.
I've been thinking a lot about my 'spiritual' side lately. I'm mostly questioning whether I have one.
One of the things I have an issue with in a godless word, is the absence of a soul. Logically, it's a ridiculous concept. Yet I can't seem to get rid of it. My idea of a soul, is that my mind is separate from my physical body. I don't like the idea that my thoughts are just electrical impulses travelling through my brain. It's disturbing that my personality is just the path electrons travel along.
I hope I find an answer to that some day...
Another thing I've been thinking about is altruism.
It's what allows us as humans, to be so successful. Selflessly helping others. I find that religion tends to assign some kind of reward for altruistic acts. An example of one of these rewards is heaven. If a Christian for example, does something good for someone else, it's typically because they want to get into heaven. The Christian performed a selfless act, which was actually selfish at its core. I believe that a true altruistic act should have no reward for the one giving.
I'd really like to have a discussion with you about all this stuff. It's always in the back of my mind.
There's one thing I definitely believe in.
That I love you.
Without evidence and logic, I love you.
With evidence and logic, I love you just the same.
You're the only person in existence that will ever defeat my logic.
The only thing that guides me has been ignored, overridden, defied.
By love.
It's so beautiful.