Dear Callumz,
This feels kind of crazy. This year is almost over and it feels like we've barely begun. Even saying that, we've almost hit the ten month mark; the 5/6.
I can't really say I'm looking forward to next week all that much- I'll be away from you much more than I'd like to be. I hate being away from you.
I'm working four days next week, for at least six hours each. That basically means that I won't get home until around about your nine o'clock. That honestly sucks more than anything because it's not as though I can talk to you before I leave- you're always still asleep!
I guess we'll figure it out as we go along.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Three Hundred and Forty-Four
Dear Callumz,
So, I think I made up for yesterday's crumminess.
Today was absolutely incredibly amazing and lovely and I love you so much. I'm so glad I got to give you a happy day, because I've been pretty much unbearable lately.
I hope you had as wonderful a day as I did being with you. It was nice just to be with you and hear your voice.
And also, I hope I was good at doing the things you like best- you deserve something nice every so often, especially now.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
So, I think I made up for yesterday's crumminess.
Today was absolutely incredibly amazing and lovely and I love you so much. I'm so glad I got to give you a happy day, because I've been pretty much unbearable lately.
I hope you had as wonderful a day as I did being with you. It was nice just to be with you and hear your voice.
And also, I hope I was good at doing the things you like best- you deserve something nice every so often, especially now.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Three Hundred and Forty-Five
Dear Callumz,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I've been really nasty and horrible and bitchy and a crappy girlfriend tonight.
What kind of decent person would say the things I have been tonight?
I have to say I'm sorry because I am. And it's not okay for me to act the way I was; it's just not okay. You're a good person, and a good man, and you don't deserve anybody, let alone me, treating you like that.
If you can ever forgive me if at all, I'm sorry, and I'll make it up to you however I can.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I've been really nasty and horrible and bitchy and a crappy girlfriend tonight.
What kind of decent person would say the things I have been tonight?
I have to say I'm sorry because I am. And it's not okay for me to act the way I was; it's just not okay. You're a good person, and a good man, and you don't deserve anybody, let alone me, treating you like that.
If you can ever forgive me if at all, I'm sorry, and I'll make it up to you however I can.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Three Hundred and Forty-Six
Dear Callumz,
Today I went back to school to go and help out with a bunch of little kids. Despite what you seem to believe, it wasn't so bad.
Except for the forty degree heat.
I got to be shamed by a bunch of eleven year olds who can draw way better than I can, and be super excited that I remembered how to sand the corners of a stick, despite the fact that I haven't set foot in the manual arts room for over four years.
Then I got to go and help out in the tuckshop. I felt better about my past jelly-making failures after the guy that was there tried to dissolve jelly into cold water. At least I know that that doesn't work!
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Today I went back to school to go and help out with a bunch of little kids. Despite what you seem to believe, it wasn't so bad.
Except for the forty degree heat.
I got to be shamed by a bunch of eleven year olds who can draw way better than I can, and be super excited that I remembered how to sand the corners of a stick, despite the fact that I haven't set foot in the manual arts room for over four years.
Then I got to go and help out in the tuckshop. I felt better about my past jelly-making failures after the guy that was there tried to dissolve jelly into cold water. At least I know that that doesn't work!
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Three Hundred and Forty-Seven
Dear Callumz,
I went to the beach today. It was hot and sunny and it was amazing being there.
The one problem was that there were a lot of hairy guys with beer bellies running around shirtless as though women actually wanted to see all of that.
No thank you.
One of these particular gentlemen was a creepy old guy who, with his wife, came and sat too close for comfort to me. It was immensely unpleasant so we just left.
After attempting to frighten them off however.
We got a big load of oily greasy chips that we couldn't eat all of, and they were absolutely delicious. I kept thinking of having a third person there- you- who could've eaten the chips that we couldn't. And also to give me something nice to look at- an attractive guy without a beer gut or back hair.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I went to the beach today. It was hot and sunny and it was amazing being there.
The one problem was that there were a lot of hairy guys with beer bellies running around shirtless as though women actually wanted to see all of that.
No thank you.
One of these particular gentlemen was a creepy old guy who, with his wife, came and sat too close for comfort to me. It was immensely unpleasant so we just left.
After attempting to frighten them off however.
We got a big load of oily greasy chips that we couldn't eat all of, and they were absolutely delicious. I kept thinking of having a third person there- you- who could've eaten the chips that we couldn't. And also to give me something nice to look at- an attractive guy without a beer gut or back hair.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Three Hundred and Forty-Eight
Dear Callumz,
Things seem to be looking up indefinitely. I went for a drive today, and I didn't even come close to having an accident.
It feels good to be in control again. Well, as in control of life as it's possible to be. There are certain things you can't avoid or change, because they're inevitable. But it's nice to just be.
I guess I'm just really stupid for not realising it earlier.
Our Christmas tree is up now too. It's decorated in red and gold and it looks as beautiful as it does every year. It's kind of sad how it hides all year.
I'm excited about our first Christmas. And then the first Christmas we'll spend together next year. A Christmas tree we can decorate together- I imagine you'd pick all the colours and decorations, being a picky designer and all- and getting to be cute and cuddly on Christmas day together. It's hard to imagine anything better.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Things seem to be looking up indefinitely. I went for a drive today, and I didn't even come close to having an accident.
It feels good to be in control again. Well, as in control of life as it's possible to be. There are certain things you can't avoid or change, because they're inevitable. But it's nice to just be.
I guess I'm just really stupid for not realising it earlier.
Our Christmas tree is up now too. It's decorated in red and gold and it looks as beautiful as it does every year. It's kind of sad how it hides all year.
I'm excited about our first Christmas. And then the first Christmas we'll spend together next year. A Christmas tree we can decorate together- I imagine you'd pick all the colours and decorations, being a picky designer and all- and getting to be cute and cuddly on Christmas day together. It's hard to imagine anything better.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Three Hundred and Forty-Nine
Dear Callumz,
Today I got to keep being the girl that people liked. The girl people want to be around and make friends with. It felt amazing.
I worked with my friend- the same one who approved of you a few weeks ago. I told her how it felt to be liked and appreciated again for the first time since I came back from being with you- and she just looked at me and asked why I hadn't done that sooner.
That in itself kind of shocked me. I'd never thought of it like that before. I mean, there was last night when my mum told me I brought all of my crap on myself, but hearing it from someone my own age; someone who actually understood was something else again. I guess she was right.
So maybe next year won't be so terrifying after all. Maybe I won't have to retreat by myself to the library anymore, or be pitied by the year eights again.
Actually, I think it'll be the best year I've ever spent at this school. And I can't wait to be happy here again.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Today I got to keep being the girl that people liked. The girl people want to be around and make friends with. It felt amazing.
I worked with my friend- the same one who approved of you a few weeks ago. I told her how it felt to be liked and appreciated again for the first time since I came back from being with you- and she just looked at me and asked why I hadn't done that sooner.
That in itself kind of shocked me. I'd never thought of it like that before. I mean, there was last night when my mum told me I brought all of my crap on myself, but hearing it from someone my own age; someone who actually understood was something else again. I guess she was right.
So maybe next year won't be so terrifying after all. Maybe I won't have to retreat by myself to the library anymore, or be pitied by the year eights again.
Actually, I think it'll be the best year I've ever spent at this school. And I can't wait to be happy here again.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Three Hundred and Fifty
Dear Callumz,
Today was the last day. The last day of school; the last day of needing to sleep well because of needing to wake up early. This marks the holidays; the times where I can just listen to your breathing and just enjoy being with you for a longer period of time.
Today I was happy- properly happy. I got to be around different people, who took me under their wing with no questions asked. I got to be one of them. I got to laugh with them; I got to create inside jokes with them, and I became someone who was almost popular. And even though popularity isn't that important to me, it was nice to be someone else for a while- someone who wasn't mobbed by labels and other people's opinions.
I just got to be me.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Three Hundred and Fifty-One
Dear Callumz,
Yesterday I sat in a hot room with no air conditioning and wrote about how the journey to a destination is more important than the destination itself. It was long, and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open thanks to the events of the night before, so I barely took a second to think about what I was writing.
Now I'm thinking about how it kind of applies to us. We're on a journey of sorts, in the form of our relationship. We're in the process of getting to know each other, in finding out what we like and what we don't like, and discussing just how truly we want to spend the rest of our lives together.
Our destination is getting to be together. Our journey is the three hundred and fifty one days to go. While it's so easy for me to get caught up in needing so badly to be with you, and to just skip through the days between us like they mean nothing, they do. They mean everything, because they are making us. Knowing that you're worth the time and the tears shed over not having you here; it gives me a reason, as if I didn't have one before, to keep doing this. To keep waiting for you, to keep trying my hardest to be with you.
Because I know these days will stick in my mind for the rest of our lives.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Yesterday I sat in a hot room with no air conditioning and wrote about how the journey to a destination is more important than the destination itself. It was long, and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open thanks to the events of the night before, so I barely took a second to think about what I was writing.
Now I'm thinking about how it kind of applies to us. We're on a journey of sorts, in the form of our relationship. We're in the process of getting to know each other, in finding out what we like and what we don't like, and discussing just how truly we want to spend the rest of our lives together.
Our destination is getting to be together. Our journey is the three hundred and fifty one days to go. While it's so easy for me to get caught up in needing so badly to be with you, and to just skip through the days between us like they mean nothing, they do. They mean everything, because they are making us. Knowing that you're worth the time and the tears shed over not having you here; it gives me a reason, as if I didn't have one before, to keep doing this. To keep waiting for you, to keep trying my hardest to be with you.
Because I know these days will stick in my mind for the rest of our lives.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Three Hundred and Fifty-Two
Dear Callumz,
Last night was amazing. Really amazing. The only way it could've been more perfect would have been if they'd served cookies and cream ice cream for dessert and I could've spent the night being held by a certain handsome boy who I love more than anything in the world.
It would have been truly amazing if that boy could have played with my curled hair, wrap his arms around my exposed shoulders in the white strapless dress and dance with me on the deserted roof of the boat.
But I can think of a way that can still happen for the two of us in a few years' time. I'll wear a different white dress, but this next time, I'll have you by my side from then on.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Last night was amazing. Really amazing. The only way it could've been more perfect would have been if they'd served cookies and cream ice cream for dessert and I could've spent the night being held by a certain handsome boy who I love more than anything in the world.
It would have been truly amazing if that boy could have played with my curled hair, wrap his arms around my exposed shoulders in the white strapless dress and dance with me on the deserted roof of the boat.
But I can think of a way that can still happen for the two of us in a few years' time. I'll wear a different white dress, but this next time, I'll have you by my side from then on.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Three Hundred and Fifty-Three
Dear Callumz,
All my exams are over now, and the exciting day is upon me. It's formal night tonight.
In a few hours, my hair, my nails and my make up will be done; I'll be wearing a dress that I love and stepping onto a boat for a night out with my grade. I like nights like these, because it's the one time where I can actually feel pretty and not be laughed at by some girl wearing a more expensive skirt than me.
It's all planned out- the way I'll look and everything. I'm so excited!
And now, it's about time that I get ready!
Love always,
Kaiteh.
All my exams are over now, and the exciting day is upon me. It's formal night tonight.
In a few hours, my hair, my nails and my make up will be done; I'll be wearing a dress that I love and stepping onto a boat for a night out with my grade. I like nights like these, because it's the one time where I can actually feel pretty and not be laughed at by some girl wearing a more expensive skirt than me.
It's all planned out- the way I'll look and everything. I'm so excited!
And now, it's about time that I get ready!
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Three Hundred and Fifty-Four
Dear Callumz,
I only have one more exam left after today! Stydy of Religion is finished for the year- another text book returned; another note book safely stowed away in my cupboard just in case I need to reference it for next year.
I've waited so long for the Christmas holidays. Now it's so close and I can almost taste it!
The plaza is decorated in all its Christmas trimmings; Santa's sitting outside Target. On my lunch breaks at work I can see all the little kids lining up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for Christmas. I remember when it used to be me. I kinda miss those days- the magic of opening the presents that suddenly appeared in my stocking on Christmas day.
The exciting thing is though, that one day, I'll get to be Santa to my own little kids!
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I only have one more exam left after today! Stydy of Religion is finished for the year- another text book returned; another note book safely stowed away in my cupboard just in case I need to reference it for next year.
I've waited so long for the Christmas holidays. Now it's so close and I can almost taste it!
The plaza is decorated in all its Christmas trimmings; Santa's sitting outside Target. On my lunch breaks at work I can see all the little kids lining up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for Christmas. I remember when it used to be me. I kinda miss those days- the magic of opening the presents that suddenly appeared in my stocking on Christmas day.
The exciting thing is though, that one day, I'll get to be Santa to my own little kids!
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Three Hundred and Fifty-Six
Dear Callumz,
Christmas is exactly one month away from today. It's a bit crazy.
It's exciting though, because it means that next weekend we'll get to put up our Christmas tree, and I can start wrapping the few presents I have managed to buy for people so far.
I absolutely love Christmas. I love the warm weather you get in summer- a perfect excuse for ice cream and beach days and just being lazy...
This summer, I want to go to the beach and enjoy the sun, eat lots of juicy yummy apples and read lots. I have an excuse now (as if I've ever needed one before) that my boss wants me to review books to Blu-Tack up around the store.
And in between all of that, I want to spend as much time talking to you as possible.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Christmas is exactly one month away from today. It's a bit crazy.
It's exciting though, because it means that next weekend we'll get to put up our Christmas tree, and I can start wrapping the few presents I have managed to buy for people so far.
I absolutely love Christmas. I love the warm weather you get in summer- a perfect excuse for ice cream and beach days and just being lazy...
This summer, I want to go to the beach and enjoy the sun, eat lots of juicy yummy apples and read lots. I have an excuse now (as if I've ever needed one before) that my boss wants me to review books to Blu-Tack up around the store.
And in between all of that, I want to spend as much time talking to you as possible.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Three Hundred and Fifty-Seven
Dear Callumz,
I went to work today and I solved a difficult problem- the problem of the impending Christmas.
You see, I have this little drama which means that I have to buy everyone's presents within a few weeks. This wouldn't make me so different from everyone else particularly, except that I am going to be super busy over these next few weeks.
I'm a bit scared that I'll get you a present you might not like. And if I did get you something that wasn't particularly amazing, you probably wouldn't tell me anyway for fear of offending me.
I just really don't want to screw up our first Christmas together.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I went to work today and I solved a difficult problem- the problem of the impending Christmas.
You see, I have this little drama which means that I have to buy everyone's presents within a few weeks. This wouldn't make me so different from everyone else particularly, except that I am going to be super busy over these next few weeks.
I'm a bit scared that I'll get you a present you might not like. And if I did get you something that wasn't particularly amazing, you probably wouldn't tell me anyway for fear of offending me.
I just really don't want to screw up our first Christmas together.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Three Hundred and Fifty-Eight
Dear Callumz,
Today was my first school exam. Both parts of maths are finished. I now have a whole eight weeks or so in which I don't have to think about radians or quadratics or linear equations or statistics at all.
No more sleepless nights worrying about my potential failure, thank god.
At this point, I can probably change classes. There's a chance I will never have to think of any of those awful things ever again! But I don't think my parents or my teacher would like that very much. I still think it's worth a shot.
But I still have more exams to do, so I think I'd better go away and study some more...
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Today was my first school exam. Both parts of maths are finished. I now have a whole eight weeks or so in which I don't have to think about radians or quadratics or linear equations or statistics at all.
No more sleepless nights worrying about my potential failure, thank god.
At this point, I can probably change classes. There's a chance I will never have to think of any of those awful things ever again! But I don't think my parents or my teacher would like that very much. I still think it's worth a shot.
But I still have more exams to do, so I think I'd better go away and study some more...
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Three Hundred and Fifty-Nine
Dear Callumz,
I had a Certificate IV tutorial today. I got to sit in the corner of the computer lab downstairs and type stuff up on one of the computers with a bunch of other people doing the same course.
What's kind of exciting is the fact that I've finished most of the course. It's supposed to go for a full two years, and it will in the end, but for the most part it's all finished which is really exciting!
We had to organise a legal breakfast today. Basically we had to sit in a circle and organise an event which is apparently actually going to go ahead at some point next year. For once, I actually got to chip into a conversation, and that was nice.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I had a Certificate IV tutorial today. I got to sit in the corner of the computer lab downstairs and type stuff up on one of the computers with a bunch of other people doing the same course.
What's kind of exciting is the fact that I've finished most of the course. It's supposed to go for a full two years, and it will in the end, but for the most part it's all finished which is really exciting!
We had to organise a legal breakfast today. Basically we had to sit in a circle and organise an event which is apparently actually going to go ahead at some point next year. For once, I actually got to chip into a conversation, and that was nice.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Three Hundred and Sixty
Dear Callumz,
Today I was at the university for Headstart for the very last time. I had a great big exam in the morning that went for two hours, then I sat at the Brasserie and had lunch. I had hot chips and sat with all my classmates.
It's kinda sad to think that I have at least a year before I'll have to do all this again. I won't have to be there doing classes and exams for a long time yet. I'm really going to miss it.
In a few years time though, I think it will be better than it is now though. I'll have someone to keep me company during my hours upon end of study- someone who'll make me cups of tea and snuggle with me and grit their teeth and bear with me while I speak another language incessantly to myself!
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Today I was at the university for Headstart for the very last time. I had a great big exam in the morning that went for two hours, then I sat at the Brasserie and had lunch. I had hot chips and sat with all my classmates.
It's kinda sad to think that I have at least a year before I'll have to do all this again. I won't have to be there doing classes and exams for a long time yet. I'm really going to miss it.
In a few years time though, I think it will be better than it is now though. I'll have someone to keep me company during my hours upon end of study- someone who'll make me cups of tea and snuggle with me and grit their teeth and bear with me while I speak another language incessantly to myself!
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Three Hundred and Sixty-One
Dear Callumz,
Today's the last day of classes for me. After this, I only have exams, and a couple of fun things. I have exams from now until Thursday. Next Tuesday is the formal, and next Friday is our final day, which is basically just fun- we go to the beach and we go to the plaza.
I'm pretty excited about the formal. I get to wear a pretty dress and do my hair nicely and have make up on for a school thing and YAY! I was kind of worried that I wouldn't have any friends there- well, none that would want to be anywhere near me, anyway. But maybe that won't be such a problem.
I really really wish that you could be here to see me and dance with me and kiss me, but since that's kind of impossible right about now, I'm happy to settle for taking a photo and sending it to you before anybody else sees me.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Today's the last day of classes for me. After this, I only have exams, and a couple of fun things. I have exams from now until Thursday. Next Tuesday is the formal, and next Friday is our final day, which is basically just fun- we go to the beach and we go to the plaza.
I'm pretty excited about the formal. I get to wear a pretty dress and do my hair nicely and have make up on for a school thing and YAY! I was kind of worried that I wouldn't have any friends there- well, none that would want to be anywhere near me, anyway. But maybe that won't be such a problem.
I really really wish that you could be here to see me and dance with me and kiss me, but since that's kind of impossible right about now, I'm happy to settle for taking a photo and sending it to you before anybody else sees me.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Three Hundred and Sixty-Two
Dear Callumz,
Today's been a pretty good day. The sun's shining (even though it's really really hot and there's no air conditioning here) and it's quiet. People have been nice to me.
What makes it a better day is the fact that it's your birthday- you're sixteen now. Just like me. But that doesn't matter to me as much as you having a really good day.
I hope that you like the presents I got you, and that you don't miss me not being there too much. I want you to know that I think you are amazing and incredible and that I miss you more than anything in the world, especially today.
I wish I could be there doing your science exam just so you didn't have to (well, actually no- you know more about science than I do) and I wish I could make you a great big yummy cake (then again, I might want to wish for some cooking/baking skills first...). Maybe I just wish that I could be the first person you saw on the morning of your birthday- so I could kiss you and hold you and just be with you, making you happy.
At least that's something I know how to do.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Today's been a pretty good day. The sun's shining (even though it's really really hot and there's no air conditioning here) and it's quiet. People have been nice to me.
What makes it a better day is the fact that it's your birthday- you're sixteen now. Just like me. But that doesn't matter to me as much as you having a really good day.
I hope that you like the presents I got you, and that you don't miss me not being there too much. I want you to know that I think you are amazing and incredible and that I miss you more than anything in the world, especially today.
I wish I could be there doing your science exam just so you didn't have to (well, actually no- you know more about science than I do) and I wish I could make you a great big yummy cake (then again, I might want to wish for some cooking/baking skills first...). Maybe I just wish that I could be the first person you saw on the morning of your birthday- so I could kiss you and hold you and just be with you, making you happy.
At least that's something I know how to do.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Three Hundred and Sixty-Three
Dear Callumz,
Today's been a pretty average day. Apart from the storm that's sending everyone mad, nothing really important has happened. You've taught me to do bad things, which will probably be awfully helpful if we have a very wet, stormy, rainy, floody summer holiday yet again.
I hope it doesn't rain the whole time. It did last year, and it was pretty bad. Then the year before rained all the time as well. Year after year. And they say this is the sunshine state...
The thing is, though, I wouldn't mind the rain. I usually don't; the rain's nice. Fills our tank. But all holidays, when I'd rather go to the beach and have my hair bleached by the sun and my skin slightly tanned (after the lobster colour fades), it kinda sucks.
I could do it if you were here. I could deal with being pasty with darker hair if I had someone to share a bed with. Someone with whom I could cuddle and share a big bowl of popcorn with.
That'd probably save me from the lobster coloured sunburn anyway.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Today's been a pretty average day. Apart from the storm that's sending everyone mad, nothing really important has happened. You've taught me to do bad things, which will probably be awfully helpful if we have a very wet, stormy, rainy, floody summer holiday yet again.
I hope it doesn't rain the whole time. It did last year, and it was pretty bad. Then the year before rained all the time as well. Year after year. And they say this is the sunshine state...
The thing is, though, I wouldn't mind the rain. I usually don't; the rain's nice. Fills our tank. But all holidays, when I'd rather go to the beach and have my hair bleached by the sun and my skin slightly tanned (after the lobster colour fades), it kinda sucks.
I could do it if you were here. I could deal with being pasty with darker hair if I had someone to share a bed with. Someone with whom I could cuddle and share a big bowl of popcorn with.
That'd probably save me from the lobster coloured sunburn anyway.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Three Hundred and Sixty-Four
Dear Callumz,
I rolled out of bed this morning and went to work, which meant I didn't get to talk to you much. Work's pretty tiring- being polite, smiling all day, helping people while trying to get my own jobs done. I love working, it's something to do, and it brings me closer to you, but it's exhausting.
You got the seal of approval though. I don't see this particular friend a whole lot, given that we run in separate circles these days. She said you were cute.
Even though in the past, these words have made me want to stick my claws into the person who spoke them and rip them to shreds, I just smiled and said, "Yeah. He's even cuter in person."
Because I know that I have nothing to be jealous of. I don't need to worry about losing you, because I know that I won't. That's impossible. Because in you, I've found someone who really does love me, for better or for worse. Not just when it suits you.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I rolled out of bed this morning and went to work, which meant I didn't get to talk to you much. Work's pretty tiring- being polite, smiling all day, helping people while trying to get my own jobs done. I love working, it's something to do, and it brings me closer to you, but it's exhausting.
You got the seal of approval though. I don't see this particular friend a whole lot, given that we run in separate circles these days. She said you were cute.
Even though in the past, these words have made me want to stick my claws into the person who spoke them and rip them to shreds, I just smiled and said, "Yeah. He's even cuter in person."
Because I know that I have nothing to be jealous of. I don't need to worry about losing you, because I know that I won't. That's impossible. Because in you, I've found someone who really does love me, for better or for worse. Not just when it suits you.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Three Hundred and Sixty-Five
Dear Callumz,
I was sitting here today, tears in my eyes as I watched my friends walk down the school hill for the last time. Some of them I probably won't see again, and that sucks.
I also thought about how in a year's time, that will be me. I will walk down the hill for the very last time. In three hundred and sixty five days, I'll say goodbye to the school and everyone in it and leave through the gates, never to return.
At this point, I began to smile through my tears. Because even though it means sadness and goodbyes, it's also a beginning. My friends are stepping through a gateway to the rest of their lives, and this time next year, I will too. I'll see you again. That's the plan- to finish school and be with you again.
It's such a short time away now, I realised today. And even though in some ways, that's a really scary, terrifying thought- it's also the most exciting thing I can imagine.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I was sitting here today, tears in my eyes as I watched my friends walk down the school hill for the last time. Some of them I probably won't see again, and that sucks.
I also thought about how in a year's time, that will be me. I will walk down the hill for the very last time. In three hundred and sixty five days, I'll say goodbye to the school and everyone in it and leave through the gates, never to return.
At this point, I began to smile through my tears. Because even though it means sadness and goodbyes, it's also a beginning. My friends are stepping through a gateway to the rest of their lives, and this time next year, I will too. I'll see you again. That's the plan- to finish school and be with you again.
It's such a short time away now, I realised today. And even though in some ways, that's a really scary, terrifying thought- it's also the most exciting thing I can imagine.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Three Hundred and Sixty-Six
Dear Callumz,
Tonight, we had a mass for the end of the year. For me, this means I only have a few more left to attend as a compulsory thing for the rest of my life. After this, I only have another two for school (that aren't in school times for stuff like Easter).
It's actually pretty exciting. I only have a year left at school. This is pretty much the beginning of the end. One of the year twelves said it's like having "...reached the top of the hill, and the view from here is amazing." Besides being almost literal given the topography of our school, metaphorically, it's extremely true. Even though I haven't quite gotten there yet, I can see the finish line.
And you're standing there, waiting for me, which I know will make the victory even sweeter.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Tonight, we had a mass for the end of the year. For me, this means I only have a few more left to attend as a compulsory thing for the rest of my life. After this, I only have another two for school (that aren't in school times for stuff like Easter).
It's actually pretty exciting. I only have a year left at school. This is pretty much the beginning of the end. One of the year twelves said it's like having "...reached the top of the hill, and the view from here is amazing." Besides being almost literal given the topography of our school, metaphorically, it's extremely true. Even though I haven't quite gotten there yet, I can see the finish line.
And you're standing there, waiting for me, which I know will make the victory even sweeter.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Three Hundred and Sixty-Seven
Dear Callumz,
This morning I had to go to school super early. We had a leader's breakfast, which basically meant "you twenty-three from this year and you nineteen for next year, wake up at the crack of dawn and navigate the damned hill and you will be rewarded with the company of each other, four teachers and egg and bacon rolls."
Oh wonderful.
It wasn't that bad, actually. I spoke to a few of the year twelves, which was nice. I won't see much more of them. Even though we really only pretended to talk about the important stuff.
I'm excited to be a school captain. Everyone else is part of the popular group, and then there's me.
And that feels nice.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
This morning I had to go to school super early. We had a leader's breakfast, which basically meant "you twenty-three from this year and you nineteen for next year, wake up at the crack of dawn and navigate the damned hill and you will be rewarded with the company of each other, four teachers and egg and bacon rolls."
Oh wonderful.
It wasn't that bad, actually. I spoke to a few of the year twelves, which was nice. I won't see much more of them. Even though we really only pretended to talk about the important stuff.
I'm excited to be a school captain. Everyone else is part of the popular group, and then there's me.
And that feels nice.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Three Hundred and Sixty-Eight
Dear Callumz,
I'm sitting alone in the library. I'm in the corner at a big round table with eight seats at it. They're all empty except mine. The computers next to me are unoccupied too. The fan above my head is spinning wildly, making the red and white laminated posters across from me protest.
I can see the two lime green armchairs across from me, and the librarian's long, C-shaped desk; and shelves upon shelves of books around every wall.
I don't really know why I'm describing all this, though, when I can see something that's so much more important. The little blue Skype icon on my task bar is glowing, and whenever I click to open it, I see the most handsome, aesthetically pleasing face I have ever seen on a man in my life- yours.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I'm sitting alone in the library. I'm in the corner at a big round table with eight seats at it. They're all empty except mine. The computers next to me are unoccupied too. The fan above my head is spinning wildly, making the red and white laminated posters across from me protest.
I can see the two lime green armchairs across from me, and the librarian's long, C-shaped desk; and shelves upon shelves of books around every wall.
I don't really know why I'm describing all this, though, when I can see something that's so much more important. The little blue Skype icon on my task bar is glowing, and whenever I click to open it, I see the most handsome, aesthetically pleasing face I have ever seen on a man in my life- yours.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Three Hundred and Sixty-Nine
Dear Callumz,
I'm sorry. For some reason, I just feel really crummy and grumpy and I'm being mean. I don't really know what it is, but I know that it's nothing to do with you; not really.
I guess I'm just stressed about this whole performance thing- at this point it's now interfering with my composition and that spooks me a lot. I need help with it, and he's busy telling me that I need to perform, and then trying to fix something for an entire hour and a half instead of something worthwhile.
I get worried- really worried- about stuff like this. I want to do well; I want to do the best I possibly can. I know you understand that because you have the same troubles. But you don't deserve for me to be mean and nasty so I'm sorry.
Can we be friends?
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I'm sorry. For some reason, I just feel really crummy and grumpy and I'm being mean. I don't really know what it is, but I know that it's nothing to do with you; not really.
I guess I'm just stressed about this whole performance thing- at this point it's now interfering with my composition and that spooks me a lot. I need help with it, and he's busy telling me that I need to perform, and then trying to fix something for an entire hour and a half instead of something worthwhile.
I get worried- really worried- about stuff like this. I want to do well; I want to do the best I possibly can. I know you understand that because you have the same troubles. But you don't deserve for me to be mean and nasty so I'm sorry.
Can we be friends?
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Three Hundred and Seventy
Dear Callumz,
Happy anniversary baby! I'm so happy to be with you. I've never met anyone quite like you, and I know that I never will in my life- you're completely one of a kind.
I read something today that made me think of you.
"You don't need your eyes to love, right? You just feel in inside you...It's just love, and no one forgets who they love."
- Isabel Pullman, Wonder
Even though you figured I said that just because of the eyes, I have to say that it wasn't. I think of you when I read this because for the five months between when I left and when we got together, I couldn't stop thinking of you. I just kept remembering your smile; the way you played the piano; the sound of your voice...everything. I spent quite a few nights sleeplessly, crying and missing you.
...No one forgets who they love...
You are who I love, Callum. I always have and always will love you. From the tip of your nose to the ends of your toes. From the surface of your skin to your soul within. You're all mine, and that's never going to change.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
P.S.- Maybe on a more subconscious level, it was slightly to do with your eyes...
Happy anniversary baby! I'm so happy to be with you. I've never met anyone quite like you, and I know that I never will in my life- you're completely one of a kind.
I read something today that made me think of you.
"You don't need your eyes to love, right? You just feel in inside you...It's just love, and no one forgets who they love."
- Isabel Pullman, Wonder
Even though you figured I said that just because of the eyes, I have to say that it wasn't. I think of you when I read this because for the five months between when I left and when we got together, I couldn't stop thinking of you. I just kept remembering your smile; the way you played the piano; the sound of your voice...everything. I spent quite a few nights sleeplessly, crying and missing you.
...No one forgets who they love...
You are who I love, Callum. I always have and always will love you. From the tip of your nose to the ends of your toes. From the surface of your skin to your soul within. You're all mine, and that's never going to change.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
P.S.- Maybe on a more subconscious level, it was slightly to do with your eyes...
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Three Hundred and Seventy-One
Dear Callumz,
Today at work I got to call people- talk on the phone and tell them that their orders had arrived.
It was kind of funny how nervous I was about getting on the phone- I used to talk to all my friends for hours on end all the time- when I had heaps of friends.
Now it's just you. You are the only person (other than a five second phonecall from Polly telling me to come to her place) who I talk to on the phone anymore. And needless to say, our conversations aren't exactly the kind I'd be wanting to repeat to anyone else.
It's going to take some getting used to to get back into the swing of things again.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Today at work I got to call people- talk on the phone and tell them that their orders had arrived.
It was kind of funny how nervous I was about getting on the phone- I used to talk to all my friends for hours on end all the time- when I had heaps of friends.
Now it's just you. You are the only person (other than a five second phonecall from Polly telling me to come to her place) who I talk to on the phone anymore. And needless to say, our conversations aren't exactly the kind I'd be wanting to repeat to anyone else.
It's going to take some getting used to to get back into the swing of things again.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Three Hundred and Seventy-Two
Dear Callumz,
Today was the worst day I've had in a really long time. I don't know how it all went so wrong, but it did, and I need you to help me forget everything.
I feel really lost and forgotten about; I just don't know who I have anymore. I don't have a problem with having no one here with me, but I'd rather people didn't pretend.
I'm scared. I don't know anything anymore. I feel humiliated. I don't know how to stop the tears from coming and I just can't anymore.
I need you.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Today was the worst day I've had in a really long time. I don't know how it all went so wrong, but it did, and I need you to help me forget everything.
I feel really lost and forgotten about; I just don't know who I have anymore. I don't have a problem with having no one here with me, but I'd rather people didn't pretend.
I'm scared. I don't know anything anymore. I feel humiliated. I don't know how to stop the tears from coming and I just can't anymore.
I need you.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Three Hundred and Seventy-Three
Dear Callumz,
It'll be a late night once again. Even though I'm actually at school this afternoon, I'm not going to be around much, even though I'm doing my best to be.
It sucks that I can't talk to you much today. I woke up this morning contemplating my ability to just lie in my warm bed all day and continue talking to you as much as I liked. But we can't always get what we want- so I had to move from my comfortable position on my mattress.
Still, think of it this way- tonight, I'm earning money that I can use to be with you. That's why I'm working- I want to be with you, and to spend every waking minute with you. I want to be able to hold your hand and comfort you when things go wrong; and I want to be able to hug you and cheer with you when things go right. I'm here for the long haul. Looks like you're stuck with me for life- sorry.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
It'll be a late night once again. Even though I'm actually at school this afternoon, I'm not going to be around much, even though I'm doing my best to be.
It sucks that I can't talk to you much today. I woke up this morning contemplating my ability to just lie in my warm bed all day and continue talking to you as much as I liked. But we can't always get what we want- so I had to move from my comfortable position on my mattress.
Still, think of it this way- tonight, I'm earning money that I can use to be with you. That's why I'm working- I want to be with you, and to spend every waking minute with you. I want to be able to hold your hand and comfort you when things go wrong; and I want to be able to hug you and cheer with you when things go right. I'm here for the long haul. Looks like you're stuck with me for life- sorry.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Three Hundred and Seventy-Four
Dear Callumz,
I'm going to do my best to keep my eyes open tonight, but I can't guarantee much. It's probably for the best anyway, given that you're exhausted too. But in case I can't (which is the probable outcome), here's a rundown on my day:
I understood my work in Maths for the first time in what feels like forever. I began writing my English assignment following a rather long-winded lecture on how to do it. I mean, how many times can you hear how to structure a simple essay?! I did some interesting work in SOR- as per usual, I'm fascinated at how I, your little Kaiteh, who has never been interested in religion at all, can be so intrigued by analysing it all. I guess I found my niche. I started composing a piece of music- I'm impressed at how it sounds so far, even if there are only eight bars so far. I'm just impressed that I managed to get this far to begin with.
I got home and got ready to go out, and I talked to you and that was fun. I think I looked okay in the end- probably because I decided not to wear the boots after all. I had a spinach and feta pide at the restaurant, and a cupcake with blue icing and sprinkles. We played celebrity heads- apparently my work mates are a very mature bunch- and I actually managed to guess who I was. Usually it's really hard, but I got it!
Then I came home and crawled into bed to join my Callumz. He's gone to do something right now, and he'll be back soon. I'm really tired, so I hope he comes back really really soon. I don't know if I'll be able to stay awake...I miss him...
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I'm going to do my best to keep my eyes open tonight, but I can't guarantee much. It's probably for the best anyway, given that you're exhausted too. But in case I can't (which is the probable outcome), here's a rundown on my day:
I understood my work in Maths for the first time in what feels like forever. I began writing my English assignment following a rather long-winded lecture on how to do it. I mean, how many times can you hear how to structure a simple essay?! I did some interesting work in SOR- as per usual, I'm fascinated at how I, your little Kaiteh, who has never been interested in religion at all, can be so intrigued by analysing it all. I guess I found my niche. I started composing a piece of music- I'm impressed at how it sounds so far, even if there are only eight bars so far. I'm just impressed that I managed to get this far to begin with.
I got home and got ready to go out, and I talked to you and that was fun. I think I looked okay in the end- probably because I decided not to wear the boots after all. I had a spinach and feta pide at the restaurant, and a cupcake with blue icing and sprinkles. We played celebrity heads- apparently my work mates are a very mature bunch- and I actually managed to guess who I was. Usually it's really hard, but I got it!
Then I came home and crawled into bed to join my Callumz. He's gone to do something right now, and he'll be back soon. I'm really tired, so I hope he comes back really really soon. I don't know if I'll be able to stay awake...I miss him...
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Three Hundred and Seventy-Five
Dear Callumz,
I've been thinking about you all day. I've been busy and had so much to say and I haven't been as good at listening to you and your stories as I could be. Plus, I haven't had as much of a chance to talk to you as I usually do.
Tonight will be different; today was ordinary. No more detailed explanations of every little thing that happened before I fall asleep. Nope; tonight I just want to hear you speak. Because I love you and your stories are cute and perfect and important.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I've been thinking about you all day. I've been busy and had so much to say and I haven't been as good at listening to you and your stories as I could be. Plus, I haven't had as much of a chance to talk to you as I usually do.
Tonight will be different; today was ordinary. No more detailed explanations of every little thing that happened before I fall asleep. Nope; tonight I just want to hear you speak. Because I love you and your stories are cute and perfect and important.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Three Hundred and Seventy-Six
Dear Callumz,
So I didn't get my lazy Sunday yesterday. Instead, I nearly wiped out dad, myself, and the car. I guess I still have a bit of work to do in navigating multi-laned roundabouts.
Today wasn't so bad for a Monday. My Mondays usually aren't because I have all the classes that I like on those days. But they're still Mondays- no more weekend.
This afternoon, I have another job to do- the little kids and their families need a tour guide, and I'm going to be one of them. I don't mind doing that; not really. I think it'll be fun. Plus, I know that they have a barbecue and cordial and cake.
There's the bell- I'm off again, as per usual. Time to get walking!
Love always,
Kaiteh.
So I didn't get my lazy Sunday yesterday. Instead, I nearly wiped out dad, myself, and the car. I guess I still have a bit of work to do in navigating multi-laned roundabouts.
Today wasn't so bad for a Monday. My Mondays usually aren't because I have all the classes that I like on those days. But they're still Mondays- no more weekend.
This afternoon, I have another job to do- the little kids and their families need a tour guide, and I'm going to be one of them. I don't mind doing that; not really. I think it'll be fun. Plus, I know that they have a barbecue and cordial and cake.
There's the bell- I'm off again, as per usual. Time to get walking!
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Three Hundred and Seventy-Seven
Dear Callumz,
I feel like having a lazy day today. I've been running around all week doing stuff, and I'm tired. I'm just really tired and I just really feel like lying in the hammock with my book and reading all day.
If only the dog hadn't eaten the hammock...
Even though we no longer have a hammock, that wouldn't have been a problem if the dog hadn't gone on to eat the mattress from the daybed too...
Looks like I'll just lie on the couch, or on my bed with my book. Maybe I'll have an apple too, if we have any. It's nice and warm; the kind of sunny day that makes you feel like going for a nice walk, or maybe a swim at the beach if the water is warm enough.
Dad's calling me. I think I might end up going for a drive instead. That would be nice- I haven't been for a good, long drive in a while. Maybe I can try and stop at that nice gelato place I know. I feel like having an ice-cream today.
I guess that means I have to get out of bed...I'll talk to you later!
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I feel like having a lazy day today. I've been running around all week doing stuff, and I'm tired. I'm just really tired and I just really feel like lying in the hammock with my book and reading all day.
If only the dog hadn't eaten the hammock...
Even though we no longer have a hammock, that wouldn't have been a problem if the dog hadn't gone on to eat the mattress from the daybed too...
Looks like I'll just lie on the couch, or on my bed with my book. Maybe I'll have an apple too, if we have any. It's nice and warm; the kind of sunny day that makes you feel like going for a nice walk, or maybe a swim at the beach if the water is warm enough.
Dad's calling me. I think I might end up going for a drive instead. That would be nice- I haven't been for a good, long drive in a while. Maybe I can try and stop at that nice gelato place I know. I feel like having an ice-cream today.
I guess that means I have to get out of bed...I'll talk to you later!
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Three Hundred and Seventy-Eight
Dear Callumz,
I had to get up nice and bright and early for work this morning. Given that I was up reasonably late last night, doing things that made me very happy, leaving my pillow behind was no easy feat.
I learnt how to take orders for people- how to enter them into the computer system; what information I need; how long they're supposed to take. I'm pretty proud of myself about that, but the real challenge will be remembering that for Thursday night.
I also did a very important task- sending away something I hope will make a certain someone very happy. I really hope it gets there, and that it gets there in time- Just in case you couldn't tell, given the fact that I have over two weeks to go before it needs to be there!
Right now, I'm hungry. I think I will continue iMessaging you while I go and get something to satisfy my growling belly, and you can read this later.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I had to get up nice and bright and early for work this morning. Given that I was up reasonably late last night, doing things that made me very happy, leaving my pillow behind was no easy feat.
I learnt how to take orders for people- how to enter them into the computer system; what information I need; how long they're supposed to take. I'm pretty proud of myself about that, but the real challenge will be remembering that for Thursday night.
I also did a very important task- sending away something I hope will make a certain someone very happy. I really hope it gets there, and that it gets there in time- Just in case you couldn't tell, given the fact that I have over two weeks to go before it needs to be there!
Right now, I'm hungry. I think I will continue iMessaging you while I go and get something to satisfy my growling belly, and you can read this later.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Three Hundred and Seventy-Nine
Dear Callumz,
I was really nasty last night. I'm really sorry. I don't know what set me off exactly- probably a mixture of the exhaustion and the impending doom, the side effects of which I believe you're fairly familiar with with regard to me.
I really don't understand why I was so angry about that.
Either way, tonight was a really good night. Just genuine fun with my closest friend. We got ready, and we left to go to the primary. As lame as that sounds, it's actually a pretty cool place. Despite the fact that my school doesn't have air conditioner in 90% of the rooms here, they actually have an elevator! A real, usable one! How cool is that!
The order things happened in is kind of a blur. Literally. They had rides there; one of which was called the Round-Up. It consisted of standing up against a wall of this great big spinning contraption, and being pinned against it by centrifugal force. Gravity at its finest.
I bought a Cadbury showbag, and spent the rest of my money on food of other kinds. They had potato slinkies! Basically, they cut the potato so it's a great big curly thing, and then they deep fry it. It tasted really, really good! Imagine chips, but in a great big spiral on a stick. Oh yeah.
I got some chocolate truffles, two big chocolate freckles (a milk and a white chocolate one. And before you tell me, yes, I have heard that white chocolate is not really chocolate!;)); chocolate fudge and cookies and cream fudge. I think you'd like that, a lot. Maybe I should get mum to make you some one day, when you come and visit me without the customs people in the way.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I was really nasty last night. I'm really sorry. I don't know what set me off exactly- probably a mixture of the exhaustion and the impending doom, the side effects of which I believe you're fairly familiar with with regard to me.
I really don't understand why I was so angry about that.
Either way, tonight was a really good night. Just genuine fun with my closest friend. We got ready, and we left to go to the primary. As lame as that sounds, it's actually a pretty cool place. Despite the fact that my school doesn't have air conditioner in 90% of the rooms here, they actually have an elevator! A real, usable one! How cool is that!
The order things happened in is kind of a blur. Literally. They had rides there; one of which was called the Round-Up. It consisted of standing up against a wall of this great big spinning contraption, and being pinned against it by centrifugal force. Gravity at its finest.
I bought a Cadbury showbag, and spent the rest of my money on food of other kinds. They had potato slinkies! Basically, they cut the potato so it's a great big curly thing, and then they deep fry it. It tasted really, really good! Imagine chips, but in a great big spiral on a stick. Oh yeah.
I got some chocolate truffles, two big chocolate freckles (a milk and a white chocolate one. And before you tell me, yes, I have heard that white chocolate is not really chocolate!;)); chocolate fudge and cookies and cream fudge. I think you'd like that, a lot. Maybe I should get mum to make you some one day, when you come and visit me without the customs people in the way.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Three Hundred and Eighty
Dear Callumz,
Today is the last day of uni for the semester. I don't learn anything else there for the rest of the year. For the next two years, actually. No more Thursday afternoons off school; no more listening to people speak fluent Indonesian for three hours.
It's sad, in a way- it's the end of another year; and the end of doing something that I love, if only for a little while. But at the same time, I'm sitting here and smiling as I think about it- the end brings me closer to beginning again- the beginning of a life I will spend with you.
Think about it- no more ocean separating us; no more three hour time differences. Just us, together, reminiscing about the days when we were apart.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Today is the last day of uni for the semester. I don't learn anything else there for the rest of the year. For the next two years, actually. No more Thursday afternoons off school; no more listening to people speak fluent Indonesian for three hours.
It's sad, in a way- it's the end of another year; and the end of doing something that I love, if only for a little while. But at the same time, I'm sitting here and smiling as I think about it- the end brings me closer to beginning again- the beginning of a life I will spend with you.
Think about it- no more ocean separating us; no more three hour time differences. Just us, together, reminiscing about the days when we were apart.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Three Hundred and Eighty-One
Dear Callumz,
Sorry in advance for the fact that I won't be talking much at all tonight. First is the fact that I have to go out for the school awards night. Basically it's a big fancy way of showing off how fantastic some of the people at our school are. I'm receiving two awards, performing and being announced as a leader for next year, so basically, there's no way I can just curl up at home with you as I would like to.
And when I do get home, I have to face the consequences of my own stupidity and procrastination. I have to finish an assignment which is due tomorrow morning. It's hard and painful and I don't understand it and I am certain that I'm destined to fail.
So basically, I probably won't be talking at all.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sorry in advance for the fact that I won't be talking much at all tonight. First is the fact that I have to go out for the school awards night. Basically it's a big fancy way of showing off how fantastic some of the people at our school are. I'm receiving two awards, performing and being announced as a leader for next year, so basically, there's no way I can just curl up at home with you as I would like to.
And when I do get home, I have to face the consequences of my own stupidity and procrastination. I have to finish an assignment which is due tomorrow morning. It's hard and painful and I don't understand it and I am certain that I'm destined to fail.
So basically, I probably won't be talking at all.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Three Hundred and Eighty-Two
Dear Callumz,
We keep missing each other today. The three hour thing is tricky to get used to again, and pretty annoying too!
My day hasn't been all that exciting, but I'm hoping tonight will be. I'm going to spend it with you, all comfy and cosy in my warm bed with a mug of tea and a good book. If you're still tired, I'll just listen to you breathing rhythmically beside me, all cute and peaceful and relaxed.
If you're not tired, then we can modify that plan to suit us. We can talk and laugh and joke and kiss and cuddle for a long time. Those are some of my favourite nights. Being with you and hearing you be cute and sweet and romantic- and manly, very manly.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
We keep missing each other today. The three hour thing is tricky to get used to again, and pretty annoying too!
My day hasn't been all that exciting, but I'm hoping tonight will be. I'm going to spend it with you, all comfy and cosy in my warm bed with a mug of tea and a good book. If you're still tired, I'll just listen to you breathing rhythmically beside me, all cute and peaceful and relaxed.
If you're not tired, then we can modify that plan to suit us. We can talk and laugh and joke and kiss and cuddle for a long time. Those are some of my favourite nights. Being with you and hearing you be cute and sweet and romantic- and manly, very manly.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Three Hundred and Eighty-Three
Dear Callumz,
I'm having a really good day today. I found out some really good news and I hope you'll be just as excited as I am. I've been working hard for it and it's something I'm really proud of, and I want to share with you.
Also, I've been talking to mum about you a lot this afternoon. I told her it was your birthday soon. At first, she was confused- she knows someone else called Callum- but then she realised who I meant.
"Oh, your Callum?" she said.
I had a little grin to myself. "Yeah, my Callum. Any idea what to get a boy?"
"Good luck," she laughed at me.
I explained you weren't much of a gamer; how you only like your practical, useful things. "Is dad this hard to buy for?" I asked.
"You have no idea- just wait until you get married- then you've got the husband, the father, and the father-in-law," she rolled her eyes at me.
I told her about you and your pin- "he was telling me about it and he was so excited," I said.
"That's cute," she told me, and I had to look out the car window at the dreary grey sky so she didn't see me smiling like an idiot about what she'd just said.
So basically, you are my boyfriend, and everyone knows it. And they're happy about it. I think they've realised how much you mean to me and that this is going to last, because we want it to, and because we're serious. I may not have said the three little words about you to them, but I think they can tell- it's written all over my face, so blatantly obvious it can't be ignored.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I'm having a really good day today. I found out some really good news and I hope you'll be just as excited as I am. I've been working hard for it and it's something I'm really proud of, and I want to share with you.
Also, I've been talking to mum about you a lot this afternoon. I told her it was your birthday soon. At first, she was confused- she knows someone else called Callum- but then she realised who I meant.
"Oh, your Callum?" she said.
I had a little grin to myself. "Yeah, my Callum. Any idea what to get a boy?"
"Good luck," she laughed at me.
I explained you weren't much of a gamer; how you only like your practical, useful things. "Is dad this hard to buy for?" I asked.
"You have no idea- just wait until you get married- then you've got the husband, the father, and the father-in-law," she rolled her eyes at me.
I told her about you and your pin- "he was telling me about it and he was so excited," I said.
"That's cute," she told me, and I had to look out the car window at the dreary grey sky so she didn't see me smiling like an idiot about what she'd just said.
So basically, you are my boyfriend, and everyone knows it. And they're happy about it. I think they've realised how much you mean to me and that this is going to last, because we want it to, and because we're serious. I may not have said the three little words about you to them, but I think they can tell- it's written all over my face, so blatantly obvious it can't be ignored.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Three Hundred and Eighty-Four
Dear Callumz,
I had a really nice night tonight. I know I was being difficult beforehand, but once we got over that and got to talking, it was amazing.
Sometimes I wonder how you can put up with me- all my insecurities and quirks; my overactive imagination- and manage to love me too.
Either way, last night was one of the best nights I've had with you. Something about it made me feel differently to what I usually do, and so much better.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I had a really nice night tonight. I know I was being difficult beforehand, but once we got over that and got to talking, it was amazing.
Sometimes I wonder how you can put up with me- all my insecurities and quirks; my overactive imagination- and manage to love me too.
Either way, last night was one of the best nights I've had with you. Something about it made me feel differently to what I usually do, and so much better.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Three Hundred and Eighty-Five
Dear Callumz,
I went in today for my second day of work. It wasn't super busy, but for the most part it wasn't exactly quiet either. It feels good to be good at something again; something I haven't felt or experienced for what feels like a reasonably long time.
Then I went on my lunch break. I went and bought myself some food and searched for a table by myself. It wasn't as awfully lonely as it probably sounds, but I couldn't help but consider how much better it would've seemed sharing my hot chips with you across the table, laughing and joking. Just being together.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I went in today for my second day of work. It wasn't super busy, but for the most part it wasn't exactly quiet either. It feels good to be good at something again; something I haven't felt or experienced for what feels like a reasonably long time.
Then I went on my lunch break. I went and bought myself some food and searched for a table by myself. It wasn't as awfully lonely as it probably sounds, but I couldn't help but consider how much better it would've seemed sharing my hot chips with you across the table, laughing and joking. Just being together.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Three Hundred and Eighty-Six
Dear Callumz,
I'm sitting here on a Friday afternoon, just thinking about how my life used to be. On the second Friday of every month, I used to go out with a whole big group of my friends to these discos. I used to put so much effort into what I was going to wear, so that I could try and outdo my friends, and so that I could look good for a change.
It was fun enough, back when I was twelve. I had a whole parade of friends back then. We were pretty much the biggest group at this hall where they used to be. We used to dance and laugh and run around; request songs and be as loud as we could be over the loud music.
Then, all of a sudden, it wasn't so much fun anymore. Something changed one month, and we just stopped going. I guess we grew up and grew apart. It must have been for the better though, because right after I stopped, I met you- the best time of my life. Seeing you and talking to you was one of the most life-changing things I have ever experienced. I learnt about what it means to find someone you would do anything for, no matter what it was. I learnt what it means to be so in love with someone, you would do anything to be with them.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I'm sitting here on a Friday afternoon, just thinking about how my life used to be. On the second Friday of every month, I used to go out with a whole big group of my friends to these discos. I used to put so much effort into what I was going to wear, so that I could try and outdo my friends, and so that I could look good for a change.
It was fun enough, back when I was twelve. I had a whole parade of friends back then. We were pretty much the biggest group at this hall where they used to be. We used to dance and laugh and run around; request songs and be as loud as we could be over the loud music.
Then, all of a sudden, it wasn't so much fun anymore. Something changed one month, and we just stopped going. I guess we grew up and grew apart. It must have been for the better though, because right after I stopped, I met you- the best time of my life. Seeing you and talking to you was one of the most life-changing things I have ever experienced. I learnt about what it means to find someone you would do anything for, no matter what it was. I learnt what it means to be so in love with someone, you would do anything to be with them.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Three Hundred and Eighty-Seven
Dear Callumz,
Sorry I'm so tired tonight. I will likely fall asleep before long, but there are certain things I need to tell you before I do.
I love you a lot, and nothing will ever change that. Not time, not distance, not other's words or opinions. Nothing.
Thank you for the hours you have spent listening to me as I pour my heart out to you in the most painful way. Even when I say things that I know hurt you more than you would admit, and when you're hurt enough to say something about it, you don't stop listening to me. And that's what I need- someone to listen and care.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sorry I'm so tired tonight. I will likely fall asleep before long, but there are certain things I need to tell you before I do.
I love you a lot, and nothing will ever change that. Not time, not distance, not other's words or opinions. Nothing.
Thank you for the hours you have spent listening to me as I pour my heart out to you in the most painful way. Even when I say things that I know hurt you more than you would admit, and when you're hurt enough to say something about it, you don't stop listening to me. And that's what I need- someone to listen and care.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Three Hundred and Eighty-Eight
Dear Callumz,
This afternoon I went for a walk. We didn't go far, but it was a nice walk all the same. We walked a little way down the road from our houses.
We talked about a lot. Feelings and the actions that speak for them; the causes behind them that most people don't know about.
She knows as much as you do now- why I feel the way I do; and quite a bit about our relationship. There was a lot I hadn't told her, even though she's been through the same.
I'm glad I got it off my chest somehow. Talking to you is one thing, but you shouldn't have to hear the awful things I have to say. And still, although you try your hardest and I appreciate it more than you will ever know, she understands like I hope you never have to.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
This afternoon I went for a walk. We didn't go far, but it was a nice walk all the same. We walked a little way down the road from our houses.
We talked about a lot. Feelings and the actions that speak for them; the causes behind them that most people don't know about.
She knows as much as you do now- why I feel the way I do; and quite a bit about our relationship. There was a lot I hadn't told her, even though she's been through the same.
I'm glad I got it off my chest somehow. Talking to you is one thing, but you shouldn't have to hear the awful things I have to say. And still, although you try your hardest and I appreciate it more than you will ever know, she understands like I hope you never have to.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Three Hundred and Eighty-Nine
Dear Callumz,
For some reason today is harder than usual to be away from you. It's difficult all the time, of course, but today I can hardly stand it. It's like I literally need to be held in your arms, away from the rest of the world, where nothing can hurt me. But the odd thing is, it's not because I'm unhappy- it's completely the opposite.
I think today is going to be a good day. It's already started that way. We just had a really nice conversation before I left this morning; then I found out I've topped Legal Studies. I'm the best in the class at my favourite subject. It makes me happy.
I have to go, so I'll talk to you this afternoon. I have a leadership interview up next. Maybe I'll be able to be school captain next year. I'm kinda nervous, but I have a good feeling, so I think it will all be okay.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
For some reason today is harder than usual to be away from you. It's difficult all the time, of course, but today I can hardly stand it. It's like I literally need to be held in your arms, away from the rest of the world, where nothing can hurt me. But the odd thing is, it's not because I'm unhappy- it's completely the opposite.
I think today is going to be a good day. It's already started that way. We just had a really nice conversation before I left this morning; then I found out I've topped Legal Studies. I'm the best in the class at my favourite subject. It makes me happy.
I have to go, so I'll talk to you this afternoon. I have a leadership interview up next. Maybe I'll be able to be school captain next year. I'm kinda nervous, but I have a good feeling, so I think it will all be okay.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Three Hundred and Ninety
Dear Callumz,
I really hope last night was good enough. I liked being able to hear your voice, and I hope the way you heard mine was okay. You seemed to be kind of entertained, so I will assume you liked it.
I'm trying to figure out what to say, since we've barely made any use of the long weekend. I'm a bit annoyed at myself because, for the most part, it was all my fault.
I'm sorry I've barely spoken to you; and particularly about Saturday night- I know that hurt you more than I could imagine. I'm sorry about this morning when I accidentally hurt your feelings/annoyed you/upset you because of some stupid OCD thing I have. That wasn't why I tried to correct you this morning, but I can see why you thought so.
I'm just sorry that I've sucked so much lately.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I really hope last night was good enough. I liked being able to hear your voice, and I hope the way you heard mine was okay. You seemed to be kind of entertained, so I will assume you liked it.
I'm trying to figure out what to say, since we've barely made any use of the long weekend. I'm a bit annoyed at myself because, for the most part, it was all my fault.
I'm sorry I've barely spoken to you; and particularly about Saturday night- I know that hurt you more than I could imagine. I'm sorry about this morning when I accidentally hurt your feelings/annoyed you/upset you because of some stupid OCD thing I have. That wasn't why I tried to correct you this morning, but I can see why you thought so.
I'm just sorry that I've sucked so much lately.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Three Hundred and Ninety-One
Dear Callumz,
I'm really sorry I ended up being nasty to you last night. I don't really understand it myself in hindsight; but I know enough that I can tell that it was uncalled for and that you did nothing wrong, and that I'm lucky that you've forgiven me so quickly.
This morning, though, was amazing and sexy and incredible. I never thought we'd have the chance, but I guess that's how these things work- you figure them out. I'm so so so glad we did; it was amazing and I'm really glad I was able to make amends and more.
I'm sorry that we will again miss another night together. This time, however, it is legitimately out of my hands and control. I have a plan, though, so that we might not miss out on being with each other entirely.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I'm really sorry I ended up being nasty to you last night. I don't really understand it myself in hindsight; but I know enough that I can tell that it was uncalled for and that you did nothing wrong, and that I'm lucky that you've forgiven me so quickly.
This morning, though, was amazing and sexy and incredible. I never thought we'd have the chance, but I guess that's how these things work- you figure them out. I'm so so so glad we did; it was amazing and I'm really glad I was able to make amends and more.
I'm sorry that we will again miss another night together. This time, however, it is legitimately out of my hands and control. I have a plan, though, so that we might not miss out on being with each other entirely.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Three Hundred and Ninety-Two
Dear Callumz,
I started work today! Even though it meant I wasn't with you all day, I am so glad I have this job. It's an excuse to be out of the house, to be somewhere I love, doing what I love and doing something I'm good at.
I had fun being out somewhere, talking to people. It's been lonely, just hanging around in my bedroom alone all weekend for a few months. I feel needed, too; and as though I'm contributing something. I know that we both need each other for life, and we'll get that, but it's nice to have somewhere that you have to be; somewhere you belong.
In the long term, where I belong is your arms, wherever you may be, but for now that seems impossible. But for now, I don't know if it gets any better than this.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I started work today! Even though it meant I wasn't with you all day, I am so glad I have this job. It's an excuse to be out of the house, to be somewhere I love, doing what I love and doing something I'm good at.
I had fun being out somewhere, talking to people. It's been lonely, just hanging around in my bedroom alone all weekend for a few months. I feel needed, too; and as though I'm contributing something. I know that we both need each other for life, and we'll get that, but it's nice to have somewhere that you have to be; somewhere you belong.
In the long term, where I belong is your arms, wherever you may be, but for now that seems impossible. But for now, I don't know if it gets any better than this.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Three Hundred and Ninety-Three
Dear Callumz,
My family is impressed with you. Mum came up to me this morning and said you should be praised on how professional your reply was. Dad seemed impressed that you got back to him so quickly. My sisters seem to be in awe of what you are able to do.
When I heard all of that, I just smiled. I'm proud of you and what I know you can do. I'm proud of everything you've achieved. Most of all, I'm proud that I am your girlfriend- out of every other girl on the planet, you picked the nerdy girl from the coast.
For that, and a world of other reasons, you mean everything to me and more; and I love you more and more every single day.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Three Hundred and Ninety-Four
Dear Callumz,
I've been overly emotional and moody over the past twenty four hours and I'm really sorry you had to listen to me freaking out on you. I know you say you don't mind, but it's still not exactly a nice thing for you to listen to.
Tonight, we're going to have a nice night. No drama; no complaining; no worrying; no tears. It's all going to be perfect and fine.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I've been overly emotional and moody over the past twenty four hours and I'm really sorry you had to listen to me freaking out on you. I know you say you don't mind, but it's still not exactly a nice thing for you to listen to.
Tonight, we're going to have a nice night. No drama; no complaining; no worrying; no tears. It's all going to be perfect and fine.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Three Hundred and Ninety-Five
Dear Callumz,
We've got our own little worries and troubles and dramas: you worry about work; I worry about school and the people in it.
They seem like big things to us, and they are, but I know that if we lean on and trust each other, we can pull through.
Just look at all the exciting things- you've got a big job; you're impressing everyone with your programming genius and you have a *beautiful* girlfriend to smile with you and hold your hand through it all.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
We've got our own little worries and troubles and dramas: you worry about work; I worry about school and the people in it.
They seem like big things to us, and they are, but I know that if we lean on and trust each other, we can pull through.
Just look at all the exciting things- you've got a big job; you're impressing everyone with your programming genius and you have a *beautiful* girlfriend to smile with you and hold your hand through it all.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Three Hundred and Ninety-Six
Dear Callumz,
I'm going to keep this short and sweet because I'm completely exhausted and can barely keep my eyes open.
I'm home, and I miss you. Being away from you completely, even if only for one night, was difficult. It was hard to close my eyes and try to nod off to sleep without the easy, steady sound of your breathing to calm me. It was hard to tell a whole bunch of people how much your gift meant to me when you weren't there for them to see it. It was hard to show people my 'inner self' as openly and honestly as we were asked to without you being by my side to hold my hand.
I don't ever want to be without you.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I'm going to keep this short and sweet because I'm completely exhausted and can barely keep my eyes open.
I'm home, and I miss you. Being away from you completely, even if only for one night, was difficult. It was hard to close my eyes and try to nod off to sleep without the easy, steady sound of your breathing to calm me. It was hard to tell a whole bunch of people how much your gift meant to me when you weren't there for them to see it. It was hard to show people my 'inner self' as openly and honestly as we were asked to without you being by my side to hold my hand.
I don't ever want to be without you.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Three Hundred and Ninety-Seven
Dear Callumz,
I'm lying awake in bed in this resorty place and I can think of a million other places I'd rather be. For one, my own bed might be nice, but even better would be yours. Just think: the two of us, wrapped up in your sheets and blankets, warm and cosy and safe.
It makes me think of when I was with you, on school camp. I really loved you then, and I know now that you felt the same way. Even though it's maybe a bit of a pointless thing to wonder about now, I often think about what would've happened if we'd known how each other felt then. You said we'd have gotten together, and I can imagine that would've been the case, but I always wonder where it would've happened; who would've said something first; how we would've said it...so many questions. I know they'll never have answers, but that's absolutely fine by me because I love the way it happened. Nothing could ever be more perfect.
You'll have me back tomorrow night; all to yourself. I'll probably be tired because I can't sleep without you here, but you'll have me. Kaiteh and Callumz; the way things are supposed to be.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I'm lying awake in bed in this resorty place and I can think of a million other places I'd rather be. For one, my own bed might be nice, but even better would be yours. Just think: the two of us, wrapped up in your sheets and blankets, warm and cosy and safe.
It makes me think of when I was with you, on school camp. I really loved you then, and I know now that you felt the same way. Even though it's maybe a bit of a pointless thing to wonder about now, I often think about what would've happened if we'd known how each other felt then. You said we'd have gotten together, and I can imagine that would've been the case, but I always wonder where it would've happened; who would've said something first; how we would've said it...so many questions. I know they'll never have answers, but that's absolutely fine by me because I love the way it happened. Nothing could ever be more perfect.
You'll have me back tomorrow night; all to yourself. I'll probably be tired because I can't sleep without you here, but you'll have me. Kaiteh and Callumz; the way things are supposed to be.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Three Hundred and Ninety-Eight
Dear Callumz,
I am going to miss you so much tomorrow night. It'll be the second time we've ever gone more than twenty-four hours without speaking. I wish it didn't have to happen, but I guess it does, and it sucks.
I can see you right now and you're being awfully cute and handsome and you look kind of dazed...And now you're being distracting...
I wish I could spend every moment of every second of every day safely wrapped up in your arms, but this universe has other plans for us right now. We get stronger and smarter and I fall even more deeply in love with you every day, if that's even possible...
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I am going to miss you so much tomorrow night. It'll be the second time we've ever gone more than twenty-four hours without speaking. I wish it didn't have to happen, but I guess it does, and it sucks.
I can see you right now and you're being awfully cute and handsome and you look kind of dazed...And now you're being distracting...
I wish I could spend every moment of every second of every day safely wrapped up in your arms, but this universe has other plans for us right now. We get stronger and smarter and I fall even more deeply in love with you every day, if that's even possible...
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Three Hundred and Ninety-Nine
Dear Callumz,
It feels so strange being able to write a note for three hundred and ninety nine days- completely surreal in the best way.
I really wished you were here today. My sister's having a birthday party and I have had nowhere but my bedroom and no one but you. If I were luckier, you would've been here with me, holding me, laughing and talking.
I miss you, Callum. I'm not home. I know I'm not, because my home is wherever you are. Just give me another year and I will follow my heart to wherever you may be.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
It feels so strange being able to write a note for three hundred and ninety nine days- completely surreal in the best way.
I really wished you were here today. My sister's having a birthday party and I have had nowhere but my bedroom and no one but you. If I were luckier, you would've been here with me, holding me, laughing and talking.
I miss you, Callum. I'm not home. I know I'm not, because my home is wherever you are. Just give me another year and I will follow my heart to wherever you may be.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Four Hundred
Dear Callumz,
"Four hundred days left
It gives me the warm fuzzies
Together so soon.
"The days that pass by
Bring us closer each second
To our love and warmth
"We love our haikus
I wrote this for you today
Because I love you.
"You're my everything
You deserve such happiness
I hope I give you."
"The days that pass by
Bring us closer each second
To our love and warmth
"We love our haikus
I wrote this for you today
Because I love you.
"You're my everything
You deserve such happiness
I hope I give you."
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Four Hundred and One
Dear Callumz,
"Anniversaries
So many in our future
Our eighth being today.
I wish upon us
That every year that we share
Is happy and bright."
Love always,
Kaiteh.
"Anniversaries
So many in our future
Our eighth being today.
I wish upon us
That every year that we share
Is happy and bright."
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Four Hundred and Two
Dear Callumz,
One and two more days. It's only a matter of hours now....it's exciting knowing that we've been together for just about another month, and our time apart is dwindling day by day!
I wonder how we'll celebrate- we don't have any set plans so far, and that's exciting- we could do just about anything together. We can share everything- every thought, every secret...every kiss...
And when we get to 0 days- the day we get to be together and hold each other for the first time....it'll be magic. I can barely believe that I will get off a plane and be with you for life...it's amazing; the best kind of real life magic there is...
Love always,
Kaiteh.
One and two more days. It's only a matter of hours now....it's exciting knowing that we've been together for just about another month, and our time apart is dwindling day by day!
I wonder how we'll celebrate- we don't have any set plans so far, and that's exciting- we could do just about anything together. We can share everything- every thought, every secret...every kiss...
And when we get to 0 days- the day we get to be together and hold each other for the first time....it'll be magic. I can barely believe that I will get off a plane and be with you for life...it's amazing; the best kind of real life magic there is...
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Four Hundred and Three
Dear Callumz,
We have two very special dates coming up in the next few days- in two days, we'll be at the eighth month mark; two thirds of a year of being together. In three, we'll hit four hundred days left of being apart.
My mind keeps wandering to those days, wondering what we'll possibly do to celebrate. After all, it's a big deal- to be so committed and so honest and have such a strong relationship is unbelievable.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
We have two very special dates coming up in the next few days- in two days, we'll be at the eighth month mark; two thirds of a year of being together. In three, we'll hit four hundred days left of being apart.
My mind keeps wandering to those days, wondering what we'll possibly do to celebrate. After all, it's a big deal- to be so committed and so honest and have such a strong relationship is unbelievable.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Four Hundred and Four
Dear Callumz,
We've had a nice day today. We've talked about a fair bit- a fair range of genres of conversation!
Sometimes I worry about you though. You have a pretty tough situation. It means a lot to me for you to be happy, and I know that sometimes, that hinders it, no matter how much I wish it couldn't.
I can't blame you at all for wanting it all to just go away, and obviously I wish it would too. But I also want you to know that to me, you're still just Callum. However much we wish it wasn't, it is, for now at least. Even though it's something you struggle with, and we both may in the future, I want you to know that I want to help you. Even if worst comes to worst, you're still my boyfriend and I love you, no matter what. Your circumstances haven't changed that now; and they never will, because you're Callum, and you're different to everyone else.
You asked me this afternoon what makes you so different. I cut the list short, but I would actually like to complete it...
Love always,
Kaiteh.
We've had a nice day today. We've talked about a fair bit- a fair range of genres of conversation!
Sometimes I worry about you though. You have a pretty tough situation. It means a lot to me for you to be happy, and I know that sometimes, that hinders it, no matter how much I wish it couldn't.
I can't blame you at all for wanting it all to just go away, and obviously I wish it would too. But I also want you to know that to me, you're still just Callum. However much we wish it wasn't, it is, for now at least. Even though it's something you struggle with, and we both may in the future, I want you to know that I want to help you. Even if worst comes to worst, you're still my boyfriend and I love you, no matter what. Your circumstances haven't changed that now; and they never will, because you're Callum, and you're different to everyone else.
You asked me this afternoon what makes you so different. I cut the list short, but I would actually like to complete it...
- You actually give a damn about what's happening in my life. When you ask, it's not because it's just polite or expected- you're interested.
- You listen to what I have to say.
- You always know the right words to use to calm me down or console me after a bad day.
- You tease me nicely. There aren't a whole bunch of people around who understand when enough is enough, or how to pick gently on someone without making them turn out the way I did every other time it happened...
- You're handsome- it's completely undeniable...
- You take the time and make the effort to write back to me...
- You've never stood me up or broken my heart...
- You've never left me to cry alone for days on end...
- You treat me with actual real respect...
- You think I'm beautiful and you actually take the time to tell me that when no one else does...
- You're actually in a long distance relationship with me- I've never met anyone else who'd do that...
- You're intelligent, and so is our conversation...
- You can make me want to be with you really badly...
- You're honest, even when it hurts- I'd rather brutal honesty than sweet nothings...
- You've never given up on me or judged me, even when I've given you every reason to...
- You've never used the vocabulary on me that so many other people have- words I refuse to publish on here...
- You encourage me to do the things I love, even when I doubt myself...
- You helped to heal a broken heart- and for that, I will be forever indebted and grateful to you...
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Four Hundred and Five
Dear Callumz,
I know you think I'm angry with you, but I'm really not. Not at all.
What I am is confused, and I'm trying to understand why something so small is so hard for you to say. It wouldn't have angered or upset me; made me refuse to speak to you or cry my little heart out the way I have been a lot lately. I would've understood- I've been in that situation a lot.
So please, just be honest. What else is hard for you to say?
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I know you think I'm angry with you, but I'm really not. Not at all.
What I am is confused, and I'm trying to understand why something so small is so hard for you to say. It wouldn't have angered or upset me; made me refuse to speak to you or cry my little heart out the way I have been a lot lately. I would've understood- I've been in that situation a lot.
So please, just be honest. What else is hard for you to say?
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Four Hundred and Six
Dear Callumz,
You've hardly been around all day, and when you have, you haven't been yourself. You've been upset and you've been unwell. I've been worried about you.
Now you seem to be in a much better place- much happier, less tired and no longer dizzy. I'm glad you slept.
I don't really know what else to say- not a lot's happened. I just hope that you stay like this so we can have a special night together.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
You've hardly been around all day, and when you have, you haven't been yourself. You've been upset and you've been unwell. I've been worried about you.
Now you seem to be in a much better place- much happier, less tired and no longer dizzy. I'm glad you slept.
I don't really know what else to say- not a lot's happened. I just hope that you stay like this so we can have a special night together.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Four Hundred and Seven
Dear Callumz,
You just said something that is probably the truest thing I have heard anybody say- we are a really special couple.
I doubt that any two people could experience such a pure and unconditional love as ours by the age of fifteen. I doubt any two people our age could trust each other so deeply in a relationship so easily severed by ocean and time.
I love you, Callum. I don't think I could ever possibly say it enough- I love you. You are the love of my life; the only person I could ever be with. I know that no matter how much time goes by, my feelings will never change- I will always want to spend the rest of my life held safely in your arms.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
You just said something that is probably the truest thing I have heard anybody say- we are a really special couple.
I doubt that any two people could experience such a pure and unconditional love as ours by the age of fifteen. I doubt any two people our age could trust each other so deeply in a relationship so easily severed by ocean and time.
I love you, Callum. I don't think I could ever possibly say it enough- I love you. You are the love of my life; the only person I could ever be with. I know that no matter how much time goes by, my feelings will never change- I will always want to spend the rest of my life held safely in your arms.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Four Hundred and Eight
Dear Callumz,
This note that I'm writing for today is long overdue. It has been for a while now, as are the three that precede it. I need to apologise for a number of things that have happened, and I think I need to just say it now.
I'm sorry for the awful things I said on Wednesday night.
I'm sorry for not being more appreciative of your time and soothing words.
I'm sorry for not being around much lately.
I'm sorry for not making that extra effort to talk to you.
I'm sorry you're not getting much sleep at the moment- I know that's my fault.
I'm sorry I have been a really crappy girlfriend lately.
I'm sorry I haven't been treating you like the perfect, handsome man that you are.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
This note that I'm writing for today is long overdue. It has been for a while now, as are the three that precede it. I need to apologise for a number of things that have happened, and I think I need to just say it now.
I'm sorry for the awful things I said on Wednesday night.
I'm sorry for not being more appreciative of your time and soothing words.
I'm sorry for not being around much lately.
I'm sorry for not making that extra effort to talk to you.
I'm sorry you're not getting much sleep at the moment- I know that's my fault.
I'm sorry I have been a really crappy girlfriend lately.
I'm sorry I haven't been treating you like the perfect, handsome man that you are.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Four Hundred and Nine
Dear Callumz,
Today's been pretty much the same as yesterday. I've been busy running around, doing stuff that doesn't involve you.
You still mean a lot to me, even though my schedule is pretty packed at the moment. You mean more to me than anything. I wouldn't be here typing out notes every day if I wasn't serious about you.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Today's been pretty much the same as yesterday. I've been busy running around, doing stuff that doesn't involve you.
You still mean a lot to me, even though my schedule is pretty packed at the moment. You mean more to me than anything. I wouldn't be here typing out notes every day if I wasn't serious about you.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Four Hundred and Ten
Dear Callumz,
Today's been a pretty hectic day- more so than yesterday was. I got my licence and I put it to use.
I'm sorry I've been constantly busy these past two days. I haven't had a lot of time to just relax and lie on the couch talking to you. But I want to tell you that no matter what or how much I'm doing during the day, you will always be the most amazing man I have and ever will meet.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Today's been a pretty hectic day- more so than yesterday was. I got my licence and I put it to use.
I'm sorry I've been constantly busy these past two days. I haven't had a lot of time to just relax and lie on the couch talking to you. But I want to tell you that no matter what or how much I'm doing during the day, you will always be the most amazing man I have and ever will meet.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Four Hundred and Eleven
Dear Callumz,
Sorry I've been a little distracted today. Lots of family stuff- pretty intense.
I was sitting in the darkened movie theatre, illuminated only by the large screen at the front. I was watching a kids comedy which turned out to be not so bad, but my mind started to wander.
I imagined the movie became something we'd go as see together; and the arm rest to my left was raised. Instead of being an empty seat next to me, I imagined you were there. I imagined reaching for your hand and snuggling into your chest, smiling up at you- the man I love.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sorry I've been a little distracted today. Lots of family stuff- pretty intense.
I was sitting in the darkened movie theatre, illuminated only by the large screen at the front. I was watching a kids comedy which turned out to be not so bad, but my mind started to wander.
I imagined the movie became something we'd go as see together; and the arm rest to my left was raised. Instead of being an empty seat next to me, I imagined you were there. I imagined reaching for your hand and snuggling into your chest, smiling up at you- the man I love.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Four Hundred and Twelve
Dear Callumz,
Today has been great. I got to see and speak to you and play Connect Four. I got to see you through the day without needing to be super quiet or hide anything. I can proudly show you off to my family- the man I love; the man who is so incredibly important to me.
Even if you did pick on me a lot; even if you like making me sad better than you like making me happy- I love you so much. I love every little bit of you, from your hair to your toes and everything in between. You're just so perfect, and I wish I was with you right now.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Today has been great. I got to see and speak to you and play Connect Four. I got to see you through the day without needing to be super quiet or hide anything. I can proudly show you off to my family- the man I love; the man who is so incredibly important to me.
Even if you did pick on me a lot; even if you like making me sad better than you like making me happy- I love you so much. I love every little bit of you, from your hair to your toes and everything in between. You're just so perfect, and I wish I was with you right now.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Four Hundred and Thirteen
Dear Callumz,
I love you so much. You mean so much to me, and it feels really nice to mean so much to someone else.
I've never met a person who's quite as picture perfect as you are. You are always with me in a way. I wear my necklace and it's like you have your arms wrapped around me and holding me and it's perfect.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I love you so much. You mean so much to me, and it feels really nice to mean so much to someone else.
I've never met a person who's quite as picture perfect as you are. You are always with me in a way. I wear my necklace and it's like you have your arms wrapped around me and holding me and it's perfect.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Four Hundred and Fourteen
Dear Callum,
In two weeks, we have only four hundred days to go. In twenty minutes, I will be older than you. In fifty-one days, we'll be the same age again.
I'm really looking forward to spending a special birthday with someone special and lovely who means the world to me. I feel like relaxing with you now, so I think I'll just talk and stop bring distracted.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
In two weeks, we have only four hundred days to go. In twenty minutes, I will be older than you. In fifty-one days, we'll be the same age again.
I'm really looking forward to spending a special birthday with someone special and lovely who means the world to me. I feel like relaxing with you now, so I think I'll just talk and stop bring distracted.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Four Hundred and Fifteen
Dear Callumz,
Sometimes you drive me to hate you. Sometimes you're mean and nasty and annoying and I wish you'd go away.
But then, I realise- after seething on my own for a while- why I'm with you in the first place. You're smart and funny and you know just what buttons to press to make me come crawling back. It's too damned endearing.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sometimes you drive me to hate you. Sometimes you're mean and nasty and annoying and I wish you'd go away.
But then, I realise- after seething on my own for a while- why I'm with you in the first place. You're smart and funny and you know just what buttons to press to make me come crawling back. It's too damned endearing.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Four Hundred and Sixteen
Dear Callumz,
It's peaceful lying here. I have my blankets over my legs as I lie back on my pillow. I've spent the past two hours reading and listening to you breathe.
Your necklace rises and falls against my chest in time with my breathing; the blue and silver catching the light. It's beautiful.
You sound so relaxed- you're breathing deeply and quietly, only rolling over occasionally; so unbelievably perfect I'd hate to wake you.
I can imagine lying beside you on a soft blanket, a pillow under our heads. We're beside the shower with the water running; listening as it cascades onto the tiles and down the drain. I hope it relaxed you when I let the water run for you. Then I'll lie down beside you. I'll kiss your temple and stroke your hair and fall asleep, wishing tonight will never end.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
It's peaceful lying here. I have my blankets over my legs as I lie back on my pillow. I've spent the past two hours reading and listening to you breathe.
Your necklace rises and falls against my chest in time with my breathing; the blue and silver catching the light. It's beautiful.
You sound so relaxed- you're breathing deeply and quietly, only rolling over occasionally; so unbelievably perfect I'd hate to wake you.
I can imagine lying beside you on a soft blanket, a pillow under our heads. We're beside the shower with the water running; listening as it cascades onto the tiles and down the drain. I hope it relaxed you when I let the water run for you. Then I'll lie down beside you. I'll kiss your temple and stroke your hair and fall asleep, wishing tonight will never end.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Four Hundred and Seventeen
Dear Callumz,
Today was one of the best days ever. I got to see you, my handsome boyfriend for a while, and a surprise was unveilled- the most beautiful thing I've ever seen! Like I said before, it may be the cheesiest thing in the world, but I feel like if I wear it all the time, you'll always be with me.
We passed a fair few hurdles this week and a bit. You've met one out of five family members, and that seemed to go really well! I love you very very much and I know that they'll see why- because you're amazing and perfect and you treat me well.
Also- thank you. Thank you so much. For everything.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Today was one of the best days ever. I got to see you, my handsome boyfriend for a while, and a surprise was unveilled- the most beautiful thing I've ever seen! Like I said before, it may be the cheesiest thing in the world, but I feel like if I wear it all the time, you'll always be with me.
We passed a fair few hurdles this week and a bit. You've met one out of five family members, and that seemed to go really well! I love you very very much and I know that they'll see why- because you're amazing and perfect and you treat me well.
Also- thank you. Thank you so much. For everything.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Four Hundred and Eighteen
Dear Callumz,
Life is tricky. I know I've said all this before, but I'll say it again. I'll say it as many times as I need to for it to become as true as it needs to be.
Sometimes, we do things that we regret. I tend to do that far more often than I should. One of the problems with that, besides the obvious fact that we're bound to have made a massive mistake, is that people get hurt. Sometimes we hurt ourselves; sometimes we hurt the people that mean the most to us. And when we do, we can just hope and wish and pray that they won't harbor negative feelings toward us or our actions- I know I do.
I made a mistake last year- what has to have been the biggest of my life. I never intended it to come back around the way it has, but of course it did. And so I want to say, as I will continue to do as often as needed- I'm sorry.
I also happen to know that my sheer idiocy is not the only thing upsetting you. I just want to tell you, properly tell you, that you mean more to me than words could ever say. I want you to know that no matter what anyone says, does, thinks- I will always love you. And you know what people do when they love each other?
They look out for each other. They tell each other every single day how much they love each other. They keep no secrets and they listen. They listen to everything they have to say, and they always remain by the other person's side, just as I will do for you.
Remember that whenever you doubt- its truer than anything else I've ever felt before.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
PS- I know you hate my taste in music; it's just not your thing at all. That's fine. But I think that right now, this song just sums everything up. For me, anyway- I don't know about you. I've done this using a little trick from you, too- as well as being a pretty face; you're useful too. I think I want to keep you around...
-Kaiteh.
Life is tricky. I know I've said all this before, but I'll say it again. I'll say it as many times as I need to for it to become as true as it needs to be.
Sometimes, we do things that we regret. I tend to do that far more often than I should. One of the problems with that, besides the obvious fact that we're bound to have made a massive mistake, is that people get hurt. Sometimes we hurt ourselves; sometimes we hurt the people that mean the most to us. And when we do, we can just hope and wish and pray that they won't harbor negative feelings toward us or our actions- I know I do.
I made a mistake last year- what has to have been the biggest of my life. I never intended it to come back around the way it has, but of course it did. And so I want to say, as I will continue to do as often as needed- I'm sorry.
I also happen to know that my sheer idiocy is not the only thing upsetting you. I just want to tell you, properly tell you, that you mean more to me than words could ever say. I want you to know that no matter what anyone says, does, thinks- I will always love you. And you know what people do when they love each other?
They look out for each other. They tell each other every single day how much they love each other. They keep no secrets and they listen. They listen to everything they have to say, and they always remain by the other person's side, just as I will do for you.
Remember that whenever you doubt- its truer than anything else I've ever felt before.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
PS- I know you hate my taste in music; it's just not your thing at all. That's fine. But I think that right now, this song just sums everything up. For me, anyway- I don't know about you. I've done this using a little trick from you, too- as well as being a pretty face; you're useful too. I think I want to keep you around...
-Kaiteh.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Four Hundred and Nineteen
Dear Callumz,
We continue to have very very interesting discussions all the time...I'm liking this complete honesty- it makes me feel less awkward and happier!
And I really like the way you sound right now...I feel like I could do anything, be anything, feel anything...as long as I have you...you make me feel like a goddess...
Love always,
Kaiteh.
We continue to have very very interesting discussions all the time...I'm liking this complete honesty- it makes me feel less awkward and happier!
And I really like the way you sound right now...I feel like I could do anything, be anything, feel anything...as long as I have you...you make me feel like a goddess...
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Four Hundred and Twenty
Dear Callumz,
We've been talking a lot lately and I really like that. Pure open conversation with you is amazing. I feel like I get to know you on a whole other level I mightn't get to see otherwise.
This entire week has been incredible. I've seen you every day; I've talked to you for hours on end and I've been happy. It's funny how the little things do that- they bring just pure, unadulterated happiness that fills every part of you with warm, golden tingles.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
We've been talking a lot lately and I really like that. Pure open conversation with you is amazing. I feel like I get to know you on a whole other level I mightn't get to see otherwise.
This entire week has been incredible. I've seen you every day; I've talked to you for hours on end and I've been happy. It's funny how the little things do that- they bring just pure, unadulterated happiness that fills every part of you with warm, golden tingles.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Four Hundred and Twenty-One
Dear Callumz,
Every time I talk to you, I learn something new about you. It's a given fact. Last night, though, I learnt so much more than I could ever have expected. I never thought we'd ever say the things we did, though I never did consider the possibility that the thoughts themselves could actually exist.
Last night, I learnt a lot about both of us. I learnt a lot about you as well as myself. Things I never would've thought possible. I didn't think I'd ever be able to open up to someone like that, but I did and it was one of the most amazing and rewarding feelings I've ever experienced.
The way it made me feel was incredible- I've never ever felt anything like that. It was so intense and passionate and all-consuming. I've felt pretty different all this week, really, but last night felt better than any other time. Incredible conversation and so much depth and possibility...there's nothing quite like it.
You've opened my eyes to a whole new world, I guess. Things I'd never dream would be possible for me. The options of people and places and things to do are truly endless. There's so much now that I could do with you- I just don't know where to begin.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Every time I talk to you, I learn something new about you. It's a given fact. Last night, though, I learnt so much more than I could ever have expected. I never thought we'd ever say the things we did, though I never did consider the possibility that the thoughts themselves could actually exist.
Last night, I learnt a lot about both of us. I learnt a lot about you as well as myself. Things I never would've thought possible. I didn't think I'd ever be able to open up to someone like that, but I did and it was one of the most amazing and rewarding feelings I've ever experienced.
The way it made me feel was incredible- I've never ever felt anything like that. It was so intense and passionate and all-consuming. I've felt pretty different all this week, really, but last night felt better than any other time. Incredible conversation and so much depth and possibility...there's nothing quite like it.
You've opened my eyes to a whole new world, I guess. Things I'd never dream would be possible for me. The options of people and places and things to do are truly endless. There's so much now that I could do with you- I just don't know where to begin.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Four Hundred and Twenty-Two
Dear Callumz,
It's been a really good week for me. I've seen you just about every day this week and it's been incredible every single time. You look better and better every time, if that's even humanly possible, and it's just nice.
I think I'm slowly getting better too. It certainly seems that way. I'm not breaking down as much, though I do have a few niggling nerves about a few things, but I know now that you'll help me out no matter what.
I just want to say how much I do appreciate it- you do so much, and I don't say thanks or praise you half as much as you deserve.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
It's been a really good week for me. I've seen you just about every day this week and it's been incredible every single time. You look better and better every time, if that's even humanly possible, and it's just nice.
I think I'm slowly getting better too. It certainly seems that way. I'm not breaking down as much, though I do have a few niggling nerves about a few things, but I know now that you'll help me out no matter what.
I just want to say how much I do appreciate it- you do so much, and I don't say thanks or praise you half as much as you deserve.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Four Hundred and Twenty-Three
Dear Callumz,
It never ceases to amaze me how every day spent with you is just as perfect as the last. It doesn't happen all the time, but I'm happy. I'm genuinely happy. I'm being with (in however loose a sense) someone who really loves me unconditionally- something I never expected to happen.
There's a certain kind of magic that exists in the smile of someone in love- there's a sense of purpose and meaning; a rare kind of beauty that exists solely for the other person, whether others can see it or not.
I want to write for you like I never have before- I want to write our story; our passionate, strong and enduring tale of romance- to put our lives on paper. But the trouble lies in where to start: does our story begin when we first locked eyes? Or could it be in our first conversation? The late nights spent together, or the night we learnt the truth about each other? Perhaps it even has yet to truly begin.
Maybe our story is in the here and now, or maybe it's always existed. Maybe it's a tragedy with happy ending. But the one thing I know, is that I could never finish the story of us, for a true love story has no ending.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
It never ceases to amaze me how every day spent with you is just as perfect as the last. It doesn't happen all the time, but I'm happy. I'm genuinely happy. I'm being with (in however loose a sense) someone who really loves me unconditionally- something I never expected to happen.
There's a certain kind of magic that exists in the smile of someone in love- there's a sense of purpose and meaning; a rare kind of beauty that exists solely for the other person, whether others can see it or not.
I want to write for you like I never have before- I want to write our story; our passionate, strong and enduring tale of romance- to put our lives on paper. But the trouble lies in where to start: does our story begin when we first locked eyes? Or could it be in our first conversation? The late nights spent together, or the night we learnt the truth about each other? Perhaps it even has yet to truly begin.
Maybe our story is in the here and now, or maybe it's always existed. Maybe it's a tragedy with happy ending. But the one thing I know, is that I could never finish the story of us, for a true love story has no ending.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Four Hundred and Twenty-Four
Dear Callumz,
Today has been a really, really good day. It's been just completely, genuinely nice. It's happy, even with the dreaded Roof Creature stomping around and making a racket.
I'm lying on the couch with the dog lying on my feet. He's warm, like I imagine cuddling with you would be. Even better is what makes today so especially special- I can see you. You look really cute in your favourite hoodie-shirt. We've been talking all day and we even got to have lunch together.
You're smiling and cute and we had a special day- maybe we'll even make it more special...
But I know something amazing- there's a special man who makes these good days exist- there's rain and sunshine together, and a big warm blanket with someone who loves me- there's a special man that gives me happy days like this.
You.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Today has been a really, really good day. It's been just completely, genuinely nice. It's happy, even with the dreaded Roof Creature stomping around and making a racket.
I'm lying on the couch with the dog lying on my feet. He's warm, like I imagine cuddling with you would be. Even better is what makes today so especially special- I can see you. You look really cute in your favourite hoodie-shirt. We've been talking all day and we even got to have lunch together.
You're smiling and cute and we had a special day- maybe we'll even make it more special...
But I know something amazing- there's a special man who makes these good days exist- there's rain and sunshine together, and a big warm blanket with someone who loves me- there's a special man that gives me happy days like this.
You.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Four Hundred and Twenty-Five
Dear Callumz,
I don't know how much of this will make sense but I hope it does...
You're asleep, so I know you won't get this at least until you wake up, but either way I hope it makes you smile- I love you lots and lots and lots. I have to go to sleep myself, because I have a really particularly nasty headache and it hurts to even think. It's probably not making it any better staring at a screen and typing out this note to you, but if it makes you happy it's well worth it.
Basically, I'm trying to demonstrate that I will do anything to see that handsome smile of yours- anything at all- even if it's just for a second. Because there's something so special about it- just seeing you smiling and laughing and being happy makes me instantly smile and laugh and be happy. I think I know why to- because I love you more than anything!
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I don't know how much of this will make sense but I hope it does...
You're asleep, so I know you won't get this at least until you wake up, but either way I hope it makes you smile- I love you lots and lots and lots. I have to go to sleep myself, because I have a really particularly nasty headache and it hurts to even think. It's probably not making it any better staring at a screen and typing out this note to you, but if it makes you happy it's well worth it.
Basically, I'm trying to demonstrate that I will do anything to see that handsome smile of yours- anything at all- even if it's just for a second. Because there's something so special about it- just seeing you smiling and laughing and being happy makes me instantly smile and laugh and be happy. I think I know why to- because I love you more than anything!
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Four Hundred and Twenty-Six
Dear Callumz,
I'm lying here on my bed, typing out a note to you while I listen to the sound of your breathing. You sound so peaceful. Right now, you're not tossing and turning; you're not restless. You're just lying still, breathing rhythmically as you dream of something happy.
I'm looking around me at my room- the place where I spend most of my time. One wall is covered completely by posters, picks and ticket stubs. My bed with rumpled sheets that I've just messed up by lying back on it. My ordered wardrobe. The crammed bookshelf.
It's so much different from what it used to be. It's changed so much since I met you. I sometimes wonder what it will be like when I'm with you. Will I still have an ordered yet still hopelessly messy desk, or will it be completely clutter-free like yours? Will my clothes still be ordered in terms of style and colour, or will they all be mixed together?
They're just little things I wonder about sometimes. Trivial things that don't matter, but are still a complete and utter mystery to me. But not knowing is exciting. I can't wait to actually get there and experience it- our lives entwined.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I'm lying here on my bed, typing out a note to you while I listen to the sound of your breathing. You sound so peaceful. Right now, you're not tossing and turning; you're not restless. You're just lying still, breathing rhythmically as you dream of something happy.
I'm looking around me at my room- the place where I spend most of my time. One wall is covered completely by posters, picks and ticket stubs. My bed with rumpled sheets that I've just messed up by lying back on it. My ordered wardrobe. The crammed bookshelf.
It's so much different from what it used to be. It's changed so much since I met you. I sometimes wonder what it will be like when I'm with you. Will I still have an ordered yet still hopelessly messy desk, or will it be completely clutter-free like yours? Will my clothes still be ordered in terms of style and colour, or will they all be mixed together?
They're just little things I wonder about sometimes. Trivial things that don't matter, but are still a complete and utter mystery to me. But not knowing is exciting. I can't wait to actually get there and experience it- our lives entwined.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Four Hundred and Twenty-Seven
Dear Callumz,
I watched a movie tonight which reminded me of doing this. We're apart, and I write to you every day. I thought I'd do something outrageously romantic; that we could look back on over the rest of our years together and smile at, knowing that even as teenagers we were hopelessly in love.
That's a bit what the movie is like- they're apart for a year. They write back and forth while he's serving at war and she's at university. Even though letters are all they have, they're still together. He comes back to see her, and it's amazing...for a while.
Even though the couple in the movie don't work out, we're different. We have something strong, and real. We're not just two actors, pretending to love each other for someone else's enjoyment. We actually mean something to each other, and I really would do anything to make you happy.
Love isn't like the movies. It's not always perfect; it's flawed and sometimes it's difficult. But it's all these little flaws and imperfections that make it so wonderful and breathtaking and, well, perfect.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I watched a movie tonight which reminded me of doing this. We're apart, and I write to you every day. I thought I'd do something outrageously romantic; that we could look back on over the rest of our years together and smile at, knowing that even as teenagers we were hopelessly in love.
That's a bit what the movie is like- they're apart for a year. They write back and forth while he's serving at war and she's at university. Even though letters are all they have, they're still together. He comes back to see her, and it's amazing...for a while.
Even though the couple in the movie don't work out, we're different. We have something strong, and real. We're not just two actors, pretending to love each other for someone else's enjoyment. We actually mean something to each other, and I really would do anything to make you happy.
Love isn't like the movies. It's not always perfect; it's flawed and sometimes it's difficult. But it's all these little flaws and imperfections that make it so wonderful and breathtaking and, well, perfect.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Four Hundred and Twenty-Eight
Dear Callumz,
I love you so much. There's just something about the way you speak to me...in your voice...it's as though I can hear you smiling. I've never spoken to someone who is always happy to have me around- most people just sort of shrug me off a bit.
But that's okay, because most of the time, I don't need anyone else. I can get by just fine with just you, me, and our Skype...
You do so much for me, and you want to do more still...I honestly don't know if there is any way I can repay you for everything you have done and will do...but if there is, I want to.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I love you so much. There's just something about the way you speak to me...in your voice...it's as though I can hear you smiling. I've never spoken to someone who is always happy to have me around- most people just sort of shrug me off a bit.
But that's okay, because most of the time, I don't need anyone else. I can get by just fine with just you, me, and our Skype...
You do so much for me, and you want to do more still...I honestly don't know if there is any way I can repay you for everything you have done and will do...but if there is, I want to.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Four Hundred and Twenty-Nine
Dear Callumz,
I'm sitting in another of my favourite places. There's a set of stairs down the side of the performing arts block. There's a bunch of trees in front of me and a cement wall behind me so I can't see all the touchy-feely couples getting a little too close or the thirteen year old girls complaining in hushed tones about something apparently deep and meaningful.
I'm sheltered by the roof of the building, and from the opposite direction there's warm sunshine that settles comfortably like a blanket on my legs. I can smell the gumtrees and dead leaves around me.
I'm exhausted. I could easily fall asleep right here where no one would disturb me. I could just relax and fall so deeply asleep that nothing would wake me for days.
The only problem is that you're not here.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I'm sitting in another of my favourite places. There's a set of stairs down the side of the performing arts block. There's a bunch of trees in front of me and a cement wall behind me so I can't see all the touchy-feely couples getting a little too close or the thirteen year old girls complaining in hushed tones about something apparently deep and meaningful.
I'm sheltered by the roof of the building, and from the opposite direction there's warm sunshine that settles comfortably like a blanket on my legs. I can smell the gumtrees and dead leaves around me.
I'm exhausted. I could easily fall asleep right here where no one would disturb me. I could just relax and fall so deeply asleep that nothing would wake me for days.
The only problem is that you're not here.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Four Hundred and Thirty
Dear Callumz,
What do I say? I can't feel anything. I just don't. It's numbness now that fills every part of me. I feel heavy and used, and I don't know how much more my battered being can take.
I've been bruised and broken; beaten and bashed. I've lived alongside broken promises and shattered dreams; ignorance and general shit.
It's like craving the sun in winter- it's cold and dark and dreary and if it comes, it's so much brighter; so much warmer; so much sweeter. But the trouble is, it's rare. This is the Antarctic. The sun is a rare luxury or just a dream.
That's how it feels inside me- there's no sun or happiness. Just ice and the demons that live there in the dark. Even if, by some miracle, it's light during the day, the demons creep out of hiding from under my bed and loom over me, sickening grins plastered over their pallid faces as they suck away my life.
I want to scream, cling to something and fight, but there's no one else around. I'm a hermit; I live alone in this shack, unprotected from the biting draughts that haunt me day in, day out. I've been forgotten long ago. Perhaps I could've been rescued back then, but the time has passed. I'm condemned.
The story of my life is no fairytale-where I exist, there's no such thing as a happy ending. I've never been locked away in a tall tower- I'm trapped underground. I've never escaped- the demons follow me. I'm not a princess- I'm the ugly troll.
There's no prince waiting for me- the troll never gets kissed awake or leaves a glass slipper at the ball.
It just waits for the day to come that it can fall asleep and never wake up. Perhaps someone, somewhere, will see past its disfigured face and forgive it for being a troll, but it would never in its wildest dreams consider that anyone could forgive it so genuinely that they could fall in love with it.
And then, how can the troll be happy? How could anyone be happy without knowing whether they really matter to someone? The troll has a worse predicament- the knowledge that they matter to no one.
It's an empty void. Almost a feeling of confusion- where do you fit in if you're dictated by everyone else's opinions? But what other way is there to be? Once you've been labelled by someone else, it sticks like superglue. Removing it is hard, time consuming and painful. You can hope it wears down over time, but until then, you have to grin and bear it. And however long could that take?
Step inside my mind for just a moment, and see me as I am- enter through my temple and step on the broken mirror. Glance down and see one thousand hideous faces staring back at you. You could scream, but you wouldn't be heard.
You keep on walking, growing heavier and more tired. The walls are closing in on you- colours all blending together, no matter how much you try to order things as you go. You panic. Your heart beats wilder and wilder; and you just want to scream and tear it from your chest to stop the feeling.
You sink to the floor and cry, knees tucked into your chest with your arms bent around them. You just curl up and cry; scream; wish someone would hear you.
Yes, that's who I am. An empty void; numb and dark. There's nothing inside me. Winter and no sunshine; silent and pointless. Whoever would love a troll like me?
Love always,
Kaiteh.
What do I say? I can't feel anything. I just don't. It's numbness now that fills every part of me. I feel heavy and used, and I don't know how much more my battered being can take.
I've been bruised and broken; beaten and bashed. I've lived alongside broken promises and shattered dreams; ignorance and general shit.
It's like craving the sun in winter- it's cold and dark and dreary and if it comes, it's so much brighter; so much warmer; so much sweeter. But the trouble is, it's rare. This is the Antarctic. The sun is a rare luxury or just a dream.
That's how it feels inside me- there's no sun or happiness. Just ice and the demons that live there in the dark. Even if, by some miracle, it's light during the day, the demons creep out of hiding from under my bed and loom over me, sickening grins plastered over their pallid faces as they suck away my life.
I want to scream, cling to something and fight, but there's no one else around. I'm a hermit; I live alone in this shack, unprotected from the biting draughts that haunt me day in, day out. I've been forgotten long ago. Perhaps I could've been rescued back then, but the time has passed. I'm condemned.
The story of my life is no fairytale-where I exist, there's no such thing as a happy ending. I've never been locked away in a tall tower- I'm trapped underground. I've never escaped- the demons follow me. I'm not a princess- I'm the ugly troll.
There's no prince waiting for me- the troll never gets kissed awake or leaves a glass slipper at the ball.
It just waits for the day to come that it can fall asleep and never wake up. Perhaps someone, somewhere, will see past its disfigured face and forgive it for being a troll, but it would never in its wildest dreams consider that anyone could forgive it so genuinely that they could fall in love with it.
And then, how can the troll be happy? How could anyone be happy without knowing whether they really matter to someone? The troll has a worse predicament- the knowledge that they matter to no one.
It's an empty void. Almost a feeling of confusion- where do you fit in if you're dictated by everyone else's opinions? But what other way is there to be? Once you've been labelled by someone else, it sticks like superglue. Removing it is hard, time consuming and painful. You can hope it wears down over time, but until then, you have to grin and bear it. And however long could that take?
Step inside my mind for just a moment, and see me as I am- enter through my temple and step on the broken mirror. Glance down and see one thousand hideous faces staring back at you. You could scream, but you wouldn't be heard.
You keep on walking, growing heavier and more tired. The walls are closing in on you- colours all blending together, no matter how much you try to order things as you go. You panic. Your heart beats wilder and wilder; and you just want to scream and tear it from your chest to stop the feeling.
You sink to the floor and cry, knees tucked into your chest with your arms bent around them. You just curl up and cry; scream; wish someone would hear you.
Yes, that's who I am. An empty void; numb and dark. There's nothing inside me. Winter and no sunshine; silent and pointless. Whoever would love a troll like me?
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Four Hundred and Thirty-One
Dear Callumz,
Last night I went for a walk near the beach. It was really beautiful where I was. There's something nice about a fairly busy town becoming quiet and relaxed at night. It's a complete transformation. The air was just cool and wrapped around my limbs, giving me goosebumps but in a nice way. I had a cookies and cream ice cream with Caramello Koalas in it that made me even happier.
It's the kind of thing I imagine doing with you every so often- going for a leisurely stroll along a footpath and sharing cookies and cream- our kind of thing. Maybe some day when we're here together, we can.
And another thing- today is the eleventh again, which begs a haiku:
Last night I went for a walk near the beach. It was really beautiful where I was. There's something nice about a fairly busy town becoming quiet and relaxed at night. It's a complete transformation. The air was just cool and wrapped around my limbs, giving me goosebumps but in a nice way. I had a cookies and cream ice cream with Caramello Koalas in it that made me even happier.
It's the kind of thing I imagine doing with you every so often- going for a leisurely stroll along a footpath and sharing cookies and cream- our kind of thing. Maybe some day when we're here together, we can.
And another thing- today is the eleventh again, which begs a haiku:
"Seven months today
It's our anniversary
And I still love you.
"What you mean to me
Is as strong as the first time
I met your blue eyes."
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Four Hundred and Thirty-Two
Dear Callumz,
Few things are as wonderful and priceless as spending a perfect night with you. A night where we can just be ourselves entirely- we can see each other and feel warm and comfortable and safe and happy.
When those nights come, I feel happy like I haven't been in a very long time. It's one of the few times when I can just forget everything that's gone wrong in my life and just exist the way I want to. I don't have to be the way people have labelled me; I can just be your mountain flower, the way it's meant to be.
Last night was perfect. I have never felt the way I did then- so light; so free; so wanted. I felt like you really did need me as much as I need you, and I cannot tell you how good that feels.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Few things are as wonderful and priceless as spending a perfect night with you. A night where we can just be ourselves entirely- we can see each other and feel warm and comfortable and safe and happy.
When those nights come, I feel happy like I haven't been in a very long time. It's one of the few times when I can just forget everything that's gone wrong in my life and just exist the way I want to. I don't have to be the way people have labelled me; I can just be your mountain flower, the way it's meant to be.
Last night was perfect. I have never felt the way I did then- so light; so free; so wanted. I felt like you really did need me as much as I need you, and I cannot tell you how good that feels.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Four Hundred and Thirty-Three
Dear Callumz,
You are the most important person in my life. I love you with all your little quirks and your charm and sharp wit. You mean more to me than any of these words can possibly say, nor can they suffice in thanking you for being the amazing man you are.
There are so many details of you that I've discovered. I never thought it possible that there could be so much to learn about another person- the glint in their eyes when they've said something clever; their strong will and commitment; the way their hair sits when they wake up in the morning...the list is endless, and yet I know there are still a world of things to discover: the way you sit; the way you walk; the perfection with which your eyes close after a long day.
I want to learn all these things and more about you.The first time I discovered your name, I remember being so anxious about how I could possibly get to know you, and I've realised that it's time. Time is the only way to truly understand a person- their beauty; their strengths and weaknesses; their faults and imperfections; and the things that make them amazing- and the only way to accept them and love them unconditionally.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
You are the most important person in my life. I love you with all your little quirks and your charm and sharp wit. You mean more to me than any of these words can possibly say, nor can they suffice in thanking you for being the amazing man you are.
There are so many details of you that I've discovered. I never thought it possible that there could be so much to learn about another person- the glint in their eyes when they've said something clever; their strong will and commitment; the way their hair sits when they wake up in the morning...the list is endless, and yet I know there are still a world of things to discover: the way you sit; the way you walk; the perfection with which your eyes close after a long day.
I want to learn all these things and more about you.The first time I discovered your name, I remember being so anxious about how I could possibly get to know you, and I've realised that it's time. Time is the only way to truly understand a person- their beauty; their strengths and weaknesses; their faults and imperfections; and the things that make them amazing- and the only way to accept them and love them unconditionally.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Four Hundred and Thirty-Four
Dear Callumz,
There are some times where I am struck by the fact that I actually have you as my own. This morning was one of them.
Talking to you and listening to the skins of your easy breathing is something unrivaled. There is nothing so perfect or amazing or miraculous as knowing someone you love is alive with you and willing to do almost anything to keep it that way.
Even sweeter is knowing that soon, we're going to have that same feeling in a greater scale- the two of us in each other's arms, being together properly for the first time.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
There are some times where I am struck by the fact that I actually have you as my own. This morning was one of them.
Talking to you and listening to the skins of your easy breathing is something unrivaled. There is nothing so perfect or amazing or miraculous as knowing someone you love is alive with you and willing to do almost anything to keep it that way.
Even sweeter is knowing that soon, we're going to have that same feeling in a greater scale- the two of us in each other's arms, being together properly for the first time.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Four Hundred and Thirty-Five
Dear Callumz,
I don't really know what to say. I've barely spoken to you in the past week. I know you've had a lot going on, and you've been sick and everything but y'know; I still miss you.
I guess I'll just say that it barely feels like you exist. We don't talk. We haven't had a conversation in what feels like forever.
Other than that, there's not anything to reflect on. I'm just a girl who wishes she'd mean something to someone.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I don't really know what to say. I've barely spoken to you in the past week. I know you've had a lot going on, and you've been sick and everything but y'know; I still miss you.
I guess I'll just say that it barely feels like you exist. We don't talk. We haven't had a conversation in what feels like forever.
Other than that, there's not anything to reflect on. I'm just a girl who wishes she'd mean something to someone.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Four Hundred and Thirty-Six
Dear Callumz,
I'm lying awake in bed. I have a thick layer of blankets covering me and the yellowish light of my bedside lamp illuminating my room. I can hear the rhythmic ticking of my clock and this periodic sound of wheels rushing against the road. The smell of the paperback tucked under my arm makes my eyelids heavy and relaxed.
I can hear you breathing, too. Occasionally you'll speak, murmuring something I barely hear but that warms my heart anyway. Only trouble is, I can't see you, and I can't feel your fingers entwined with mine.
That's all I want right now.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I'm lying awake in bed. I have a thick layer of blankets covering me and the yellowish light of my bedside lamp illuminating my room. I can hear the rhythmic ticking of my clock and this periodic sound of wheels rushing against the road. The smell of the paperback tucked under my arm makes my eyelids heavy and relaxed.
I can hear you breathing, too. Occasionally you'll speak, murmuring something I barely hear but that warms my heart anyway. Only trouble is, I can't see you, and I can't feel your fingers entwined with mine.
That's all I want right now.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Four Hundred and Thirty-Seven
Dear Callumz,
I'm sitting with my back to the sun on the balcony of the school library. There's people everywhere underneath me, and there's a light breeze blowing, contrasting with the warmth of the sun. The smell of the dead leaves on the ground rises to my nose.
It's a nice little spot, up here by myself. There's no one else up here, just me. It's a big personal bubble, and I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sometimes, though, it's nice to have company. This would have to be one of my favourite places at this school. There's no odd looks from people as they wonder why I'm sitting alone with food and a laptop, so for once, I don't feel so awful.
But even so, I wish you were here.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I'm sitting with my back to the sun on the balcony of the school library. There's people everywhere underneath me, and there's a light breeze blowing, contrasting with the warmth of the sun. The smell of the dead leaves on the ground rises to my nose.
It's a nice little spot, up here by myself. There's no one else up here, just me. It's a big personal bubble, and I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sometimes, though, it's nice to have company. This would have to be one of my favourite places at this school. There's no odd looks from people as they wonder why I'm sitting alone with food and a laptop, so for once, I don't feel so awful.
But even so, I wish you were here.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Four Hundred and Thirty-Eight
Dear Callumz,
You mean everything to me. I don't know how I can possibly tell you how I feel about you because the words don't exist. The way you make me feel is incredible and I really wish I was with you right now.
I imagine spending a cold night curled up on the couch with popcorn and some movie, just being together, feeling your arms around my waist, holding me.
One day, we're going to be together. We're going to be together for good. We'll never have to be apart again; we can just stay with each other. And I know I never want to be anywhere else other than your arms.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
You mean everything to me. I don't know how I can possibly tell you how I feel about you because the words don't exist. The way you make me feel is incredible and I really wish I was with you right now.
I imagine spending a cold night curled up on the couch with popcorn and some movie, just being together, feeling your arms around my waist, holding me.
One day, we're going to be together. We're going to be together for good. We'll never have to be apart again; we can just stay with each other. And I know I never want to be anywhere else other than your arms.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Four Hundred and Thirty-Nine
Dear Callumz,
I'm pretty proud of myself because I've obviously learnt something from you about designing. It's kinda lonely today, but I think I'll manage given that I got reasonably used to it yesterday.
Sometimes I wonder how it could be possible to have someone like you when I may as well be nothing to everyone else. I don't really seem to matter in the here and now, but you seem to think I am which is amazing.
Right now I'm by myself, but it almost feels like someone's near me because I know you care.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I'm pretty proud of myself because I've obviously learnt something from you about designing. It's kinda lonely today, but I think I'll manage given that I got reasonably used to it yesterday.
Sometimes I wonder how it could be possible to have someone like you when I may as well be nothing to everyone else. I don't really seem to matter in the here and now, but you seem to think I am which is amazing.
Right now I'm by myself, but it almost feels like someone's near me because I know you care.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Four Hundred and Forty
Dear Callumz,
Last night was perfect. I'd missed you so much and I got to be with you. There's just something perfect about being able to look into the eyes of your best friend and know that you love each other more than anything in the world.
You mean everything to me. You're smart and funny and kind and sweet and romantic and cute and handsome and amazing and I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Last night was perfect. I'd missed you so much and I got to be with you. There's just something perfect about being able to look into the eyes of your best friend and know that you love each other more than anything in the world.
You mean everything to me. You're smart and funny and kind and sweet and romantic and cute and handsome and amazing and I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Four Hundred and Forty-One
Dear Callumz,
I'd give you a pinch and a punch for the first of the month, however it's already the second over there so I'll pass...
Today's been nice...after getting through my little psych out in the morning, which I really am sorry about...it's been nice just talking about random little things that aren't vitally important, but are just simple and make us happy. I don't know about you, but I think I may be well over the heavy stuff for a long while!
And a word of assurance- I'm really not all that materialistic; you do not have to buy me some expensive gift for my birthday! Honestly, I probably wouldn't really complain if you took a picture of you and framed it and sent that to me. I'd hang it on my bedroom wall. But it might be a little creepy of me. Either way, I've inspired you, but a little surprise wouldn't be so bad;)
Love always,
Kaiteh.
I'd give you a pinch and a punch for the first of the month, however it's already the second over there so I'll pass...
Today's been nice...after getting through my little psych out in the morning, which I really am sorry about...it's been nice just talking about random little things that aren't vitally important, but are just simple and make us happy. I don't know about you, but I think I may be well over the heavy stuff for a long while!
And a word of assurance- I'm really not all that materialistic; you do not have to buy me some expensive gift for my birthday! Honestly, I probably wouldn't really complain if you took a picture of you and framed it and sent that to me. I'd hang it on my bedroom wall. But it might be a little creepy of me. Either way, I've inspired you, but a little surprise wouldn't be so bad;)
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Four Hundred and Forty-Two
Dear Callumz,
Sometimes it's difficult for me to know what to say. I'm not quite sure what's right or wrong- what you want to hear and what you don't; what makes things better and what doesn't.
Now's one of those times. Last night was pretty much no good, and once again, there's nothing going right.
I'm here, and I do want to help. I just don't know how. I don't know what fixes all the problems we have. But if we're here and we stop fighting with each other- just little things- it'll get better.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
Sometimes it's difficult for me to know what to say. I'm not quite sure what's right or wrong- what you want to hear and what you don't; what makes things better and what doesn't.
Now's one of those times. Last night was pretty much no good, and once again, there's nothing going right.
I'm here, and I do want to help. I just don't know how. I don't know what fixes all the problems we have. But if we're here and we stop fighting with each other- just little things- it'll get better.
Love always,
Kaiteh.
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